Epiphany

look

2011-10-09T15:06:00.001+11:00

Look at me.

What do you see?

One who is strong and solid.

One with a back that won't break.

Look at me closely.

What do you see?

One who is weak and fragile.

One who with a word, will break.

I look at me.

Know what I see?

One who wishes to be stronger.

One whose God gives her strength.

Look at Him.

What do you see?

One who is cold and distant?

One who is timid or a myth?

Look at Him closely.

What do you see?

One who is mighty and strong.

One who gives hope and new life.

- by Heather McInnes

day by day

2011-06-10T18:20:00.000+10:00

"Day by day, and with each passing moment,
Strength I find, to meet my trials here,
Trusting in my Father's wise bestowement,
I've no cause for worry or fear.

He whose heart is kind beyond all measure,
Gives unto each day what He deems best -
Lovingly, its part of pain and pleasure,
Mingling toil with peace and rest."

-Karolina W. Sandell-Berg 'Day by Day'

2011-06-06T17:56:00.000+10:00

Image from here

project 365

2011-05-08T20:47:00.000+10:00

I made a new blog to post my photos for this project.
Go have a look!

project 365 #1

2011-04-27T17:28:00.005+10:00

One photo every day for a year. I am embarking on this new venture as a way of making sure I use my fancy camera everyday, become better at taking photos and to challenge my creative side.

columnists

2011-03-17T22:56:00.002+11:00

I'm beginning to read columnists on newspapers online. Some I find meh, others crazy and others are quite thought provoking. Like this columnist with this and this. I think I might read more of her stuff in future. Very interesting.

be still and know

2011-01-27T21:21:00.002+11:00

I want to do everything.
I want to do everything well.
God, growing, serving, Church, bible study, community, relationships, serving, work, loving, teaching, health, home, hospitality, family.
I think.
I read.
I plan.
I make to do lists.
I don't do things by halves.
I go over the top.
I lose sleep because of thinking or doing.
My body doesn't comply.
I feel tired.
Not much ticked off list.
Disappointment.
Worry, anxiety, sadness can come.
Overwhelmed.

I'm learning to be still, to know God, to trust.
My latest theme song.

tree of knowledge

2011-01-22T17:58:00.000+11:00

uplifting our brothers

2011-01-11T10:01:00.002+11:00

Yet another post which saves me from having to write about another topic I feel strongly about. I've noticed how socially acceptable male bashing is. Men are often belittled and depicted as incompetent oafs in greeting cards, tv shows and in general conversations. I believe God created men and women differently, equals but with different abilities and strengths which compliment each other. Yes, there are things that blokes tend not to be good at and we women are, but it works in reverse too where they are very good at things that we aren't. I like how the article spoke about the race going from equality to superiority. We are created in God's image, we are equals, no one better than the other and we should respect each other as creatures made in His image. It's something I'm trying to be mindful of when talking with girlfriends or talking about my family, that I speak with respect of the men in my life and help them where I can where needed without smug superiority.

new years resolutions? pfft!

2011-01-08T22:03:00.000+11:00

Had a rather tremendous epiphany in the last couple of weeks and was thinking of how to explain it on here when I came across this post which described it so beautifully... at this rate I will never have to think of how to articulate myself again. I can just keep finding someone else who has done it for me :o)

christianity circle

2011-01-01T20:04:00.003+11:00

Rather than seeing sanctification as a linear progression from bad to better, the Christian life is more accurately described circularly; we return again and again to the cross. And Jesus, the perfect law-keeper, extends mercy, forgiveness, and Spirit-empowered grace for obedience.

Reading Resurgence blog came across this little snippet from Matt Johnson. It was very timely for me because I was feeling a sense of fear and dread at the coming year after reflecting on the year just gone. So much failure and so much to work on - will this year be the same? Glad I read this - so much hope, forgiveness and grace through Jesus! I pray that God will continue to remind me of this throughout the coming year.

merry christmas

2010-12-26T20:40:00.004+11:00

O holy night! The stars are brightly shining,

It is the night of our dear Saviour's birth.

Long lay the world in sin and error pining,

'Til He appear'd and the soul felt its worth.

A thrill of hope the weary world rejoices,

For yonder breaks a new and glorious morn.

Fall on your knees! O hear the angels' voices!

O night divine, O night when Christ was born;

O night divine, O night, O night Divine.

Led by the light of Faith serenely beaming,

With glowing hearts by His cradle we stand.

So led by light of a star sweetly gleaming,

Here come the wise men from Orient land.

The King of Kings lay thus in lowly manger;

In all our trials born to be our friend.

He knows our need, to our weakness is no stranger,

Behold your King! Before Him lowly bend!

Behold your King, Before Him lowly bend!

Truly He taught us to love one another;

His law is love and His gospel is peace.

Chains shall He break for the slave is our brother;

And in His name all oppression shall cease.

Sweet hymns of joy in grateful chorus raise we,

Let all within us praise His holy name.

Christ is the Lord! O praise His Name forever,

His power and glory evermore proclaim.

gospel centred life

2010-12-20T13:45:00.001+11:00

Challenged by this post by Tim Chester.

The point is, as Tim Keller famously puts it, the gospel is not the ABC of the Christian life – it is the A-to-Z. The gospel is not just how we become Christians, but how we live as Christians. The church is created by the gospel and for the gospel. The gospel shapes both the content and conduct of our mission. The gospel defines our ethics and our pastoral care.

Epiphany #3

2010-12-16T21:54:00.002+11:00

Ever felt like a person is a kindred spirit even though you have never met them?
Jean from 'in all honesty' has written a post that just made me think - 'That's me!'
It's really quite nice to have someone else put into words, and much better than I ever could have, some of what I have been doing and learning through this year.

the reading bill of rights

2010-12-03T20:22:00.003+11:00

This inspires me. I want to get teaching...after a long rest and holiday though. Then, I will be ready.

free range kids

2010-11-13T01:36:00.003+11:00

Ever heard of this? Letting kids do things unsupervised. The concept makes me slightly nervous and I'm not even a parent but at the same time I think, bravo! I do think that kids are overprotected and babied so much that they don't grow and mature into being self-reliant and independent individuals. Is it really loving to do everything for them? I've observed this year that the kids who don't have responsibilities at home and are overly protected and mollycoddled, often are behind at school because they don't take responsibility for their own learning. They are so used to having someone do everything for them and with them that it almost seems impossible for them to advance in learning unless I am there with them every step of the way. And that's not going to happen!

Kids need to pack their own bag for school, dress themselves, carry their own bags, make their bed, set the table, feed the dog, fall down, get up, dust themselves off and keep going, get messy, get dirty, and have fun!

I grew up on a 25acre property adjacent to a nature reserve and my brothers and I would take off on our bikes and play for what seemed like hours and hours and would come home when we hear Mum's whistle. I swam in the dam, went puddle riding, climbed trees, made forts, explored and I'm ok. Exposure to dirt, the elements, the wilderness... by myself. I remember I was the one who became scared and worried, not my parents, of walking home from the bus stop after seeing on the news reports of a girl who was kidnapped walking home through the bush, just like we did.

It makes me wonder; if the statistics referred to on this website are true in regards to crime, then could the reason we are so much more afraid is just from hearing about it more these days through newspapers, radio, internet, news, and even the numerous criminal shows on TV? Advances in technology leading to globalisation means we are more connected to events happening all over the world. Much more so than 20-30+ years ago. We are seeing, hearing and reading seemingly innumerable reports of terrible, awful things that are happening to children but I don't think it's because the world has become more dangerous, it's just that it's more easily reported from around the world.

who am i?

2010-11-01T22:13:00.003+11:00

Finally took that Myers Briggs personality test and according to it I am an Idealist , INFJ (Introverted iNtuitive Feeling Judging) and counselor.

Seemed somewhat accurate from my perspective.

And then there are Myers Briggs Prayers. Here are the ones that made me giggle because they are so me:

* INFJ: Lord, help me to not be a perfectionist. (Did I spell that correctly?)

* ISFJ: Lord, help me to be more laid back and help me to do it EXACTLY right.

* ISFP: Lord, help me to stand up for my rights (if you don’t mind my asking).

Has anyone else taken this test? What are you?

where's my older woman God?

2010-09-23T06:52:00.000+10:00

Much to think on and be challenged by here.

loneliness

2010-09-02T23:26:00.002+10:00

When someone can express with such eloquence and beauty what you have been experiencing and learning, it seems more prudent to link to their post, than attempt to write it yourself.

god's plan

2010-08-15T15:04:00.002+10:00

And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose. For those God foreknew he also predestined to be conformed to the likeness of his Son, that he might be the firstborn among many brothers. And those he predestined, he also called; those he called, he also justified; those he justified, he also glorified.
What, then, shall we say in response to this? If God is for us, who can be against us? He who did not spare his own Son, but gave him up for us all—how will he not also, along with him, graciously give us all things? Who will bring any charge against those whom God has chosen? It is God who justifies. Who is he that condemns? Christ Jesus, who died—more than that, who was raised to life—is at the right hand of God and is also interceding for us. Who shall separate us from the love of Christ? Shall trouble or hardship or persecution or famine or nakedness or danger or sword? As it is written:
"For your sake we face death all day long;
we are considered as sheep to be slaughtered." No, in all these things we are more than conquerors through him who loved us. For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord.
Romans 8:28-39

I've heard people using the first part of verse 28 out of context - being a Christian does not equate to an easy life full of good things according to this world. Good, according to God's purpose, is to be made more like Jesus. Jesus did not have an easy life full of good things when he was on earth. Life will have trials, pain, suffering and temptation. Understanding and truly knowing God's love me helps me to see his sovereignty and will when things are hard or not going according to my plan. I was called according to His purpose: foreknown, predestined, called, justified and glorified. And nothing can separate me from the love of God. He loves me and knows me - and what is good for me: to be like Jesus.

I've noticed this year, which has been incredibly difficult for me at work and healthwise, has also been a year where I've seen the most growth and maturity as a Christian than I can ever recall. I can see the way God is working in me to depend on Him, to draw strength from Him and to vividly see the abundance of blessings He gives me. I'm not in constant awareness of this, such as earlier this afternoon, I felt despondent and depressed about life, but I remembered these verses which I studied recently with someone.

God loves us so much He only wants good for us which is to conformed to the likeness of Jesus.
We should rejoice in our suffering!

And we rejoice in the hope of the glory of God. Not only so, but we also rejoice in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope.
Romans 5:2b-4

Epiphany #2

2010-07-23T17:07:00.001+10:00

I have nothing to prove. See here.

Epiphany #1

2010-07-21T20:04:00.000+10:00

Busyness is NOT next to godliness. See here.

keep reading

2010-07-07T17:07:00.002+10:00

I read this post which has encouraged me to keep plugging on in reading. I admit, as much as I love to read, often I put off reading non-fiction books because I feel there's no point as I won't remember nearly all of it. But if I keep reading, something's got to stick. Much better to read than to not at all. What it would be like if I applied the above thinking to listening to sermons or reading the bible? It gave me hope that even ministers forget what they have read. We can't all have photographic memories, each has their own gift. So these holidays I'm starting with 'A Call to Spiritual Reformation' by Carson. I've had it for the longest time but have been to scared to start reading it, as I felt it would be a waste of time because I will forget it. Not thinking like that anymore, bring on the books!

Consuming Kids: The Commercialization of Childhood (Trailer)

2010-06-17T12:47:00.000+10:00

Brontë Sisters Power Dolls

2010-06-12T08:40:00.000+10:00

teaching kids where they are at

2010-05-29T12:46:00.003+10:00

From To Kill a Mockingbird:

Miss Caroline began the day by reading us a story about cats. The cats had long conversations with one another, they wore cunning little clothes and lived in a warm house beneath a kitchen stove. By the time Mrs Cat called the drugstore for an order of chocolate malted mice the class was wriggling like a bucketful of catawba worms. Miss Caroline seemed unaware that the ragged, denim-shirted and floursack-skirted first grade, most of whom had chopped cotton and fed hogs from the time they were able to walk, were immune to imaginative literature. Miss Caroline came to the end of the story and said, 'Oh, my, wasn't that nice?'
Then she went to the blackboard and printed the alphabet in enormous square captials, turned to the class and asked, 'Does anybody know what these are?'
Everybody did; most of the first grade had failed it last year.
I suppose she chose me because she knew my name; as I read the alphabet a faint line appeared between her eyebrows, and after making me read most of My First Reader and the stock-market quotations from The Mobile Register aloud, she discovered that I was literate and looked at me with more than faint distaste. Miss Caroline told me to tell my father not to teach me any more, it would interface with my reading.
'Teach me?' I said in surprise. 'He hasn't taught me anything, Miss Caroline. Atticus ain't got time to teach me anything,' I added, when Miss Caroline smiled and shook her head. 'Why, he's so tired at night he just sits in the living-room and reads.'
'If he didn't teach you, who did?' Miss Caroline asked good-naturedly. 'Somebody did. You weren't born reading The Mobile Register.'
'Jem says I was. He read in a book where I was a Bullfinch instead of a Finch. Jem says my name's really Jean Louise Bullfinch, that I got swapped when I was born and I'm really a --'
Miss Caroline apparently thought I was lying. 'Let's not let our imaginations run away with us, dear.' she said. 'Now tell your father not to teach you any more. It's best to begin reading with a fresh mind. You tell him I'll take over from here and try to undo the damage --'
'Ma'am?'
'Your father does not know how to teach. You can have a seat now.'
I mumbled that I was sorry and retired meditating upon my crime. I never deliberately learned to read, but somehow I had been wallowing illicitly in the daily papers. In the long hours of church - was it then I learned? I could not remember not being able to read hymns. Now that I was compelled to think about it, reading was something that just came to me, as learning to fasten the seat of my union suit without looking around, or achieving two bows from a snarl of shoelaces. I could not remember when the lines above Atticus's moving finger separated into words, but I had stared at them all the evenings in my memory, listening to the news of the day, Bills To Be Enacted into Laws, the diaries of Lorenzo Dow - anything Atticus happened to be reading when I crawled into his lap every night. Until I feared I would lose it, I never loved to read. One does not love breathing.
I knew I had annoyed Miss Caroline, so I let well enough alone and stared out of the window until recess when Jem, cut me from the covey of first-graders in the school yard. He asked how I was getting along, I told him.
'If I didn't have to stay I'd leave, Jem, that damn lady says Atticus's been teaching me to read and for him to stop it --'
'Don't worry Scout,' Jem comforted me. 'Our teacher says Miss Caroline's introducing a new way of teaching. She learned about it in college. It'll be in all the grades soon. You don't have to learn much out of the books that way - it's like if you wanta learn about cows, you go milk one, see?'
'Yeah Jem, but I don't wanta study cows, I -'
'Sure you do. You hafta know about cows, they're a big part of life in Maycomb Country.'
I contented myself with asking Jem if he'd lost his mind.
'I'm just trying to tell you the new way they're teachin' the first grade, stubborn. It's the Dewey Decimal System.'
Having never questioned Jem's pronouncements, I saw no reason to begin now. The Dewey Decimal System consisted, in part, of Miss Carolin waving cards at us on which were printed 'the', 'cat', 'rat', 'man', and 'you'. No comment seemed to be expected of us, and the class received these impressionistic revelations in silence. I was bored, so I began a letter to Dill. Miss Caroline caught me writing and told me to tell my father to stop teaching me.
'Besides,' she said. 'We don't write in the first grade, we print. You won't learn to write until you're in the third grade.'
Calpurnia was to blame for this. It kept me from driving her crazy on rainy days, I guess. She would set me a writing task by scrawling the alphabet firmly across the top of a tablet, then copying out a chapter of the Bible beneath. If I reproduced her penmanship satisfactorily, she rewarded me with an open-faced sandwich of bread and butter and sugar. In Calpurnia's teaching, there was no sentimentality: I seldom pleased her and she seldom rewarded me.

My thoughts on this and teaching today:

Teachers now aim for what we call differentiated learning, meaning we cater for the different abilities in the classroom and have group activities teaching the same content but at different levels. I have groups for spelling, maths, writing and reading. There's only so much I can do but I can't ever imagine telling my brighter kids to stop learning and letting them get bored - I would like to challenge them and extend them. Likewise for my struggling kids - I wouldn't leave them to struggle, I aim to make activities for them at their level. It's a lot of work and it's hard and sometimes I feel I am never doing enough but that's part of my philosophy of teaching and I will keep aiming to teaching kids where they are at and not where 'people' say they should be at.
Phonics are stupid - our language is very hard to learn, there are so many rules, exceptions and different sounds for the same letter or the same sounds for many different combination of letters, and dependent on the content they are used in. So the politicians who stress the importance of phonics - bah!! Scout learned, although she wasn't aware of it, from being read to. This helped her to learn the structure of the English language, increased her vocabulary and helped her understand the meaning because no doubt Atticus talked to her about it as I imagine Scout would ask questions. I haven't worked out how to teach this in the classroom - yes, there is room for learning sounds and rules but it's no ultimate skill to have when it comes to reading. Read, read, read, read to kids, all the time, get them to love books, talk about books and pore over books. Some of my kids aren't getting that at home, for a number of different reasons, and now I'm trying to get them to love reading with the limited time I have with them. There's only so much time a teacher has when they have 24 students, other key learning areas to teach. My aim is to explicitly teach the reading strategies that come naturally to good readers. Skills of predicting, getting an idea of what the story is about, using structure, reading phrased and fluently, deciding if something makes sense, decoding where necessary, etc, etc. And I strongly believe that a lot of these skills are picked up by kids without them or their parents realising it just from being read to, watching parents read, reading themselves and talking about the books.
Teaching in context - Miss Caroline didn't seem to be aware of her cohort of kids, their home lives, their backgrounds, interests, etc. It makes a huge impact on their education, what these kids bring to them to school in terms of attitudes, interests, life experiences. It affects their engagement in learning, may affect their ability to learn and may have emotional and social needs which are far more important to address in the immediate future. This is one of my gripes about Sch*ool Le*ague Tab*les. I'm not opposed to N*APL*AN - it can be used as a very effective diagnostic tool to a degree. But it's professional educators who can read the data and interpret it properly. We understand context and it's impact on kids more than the media or general public do. My kids, kids from a country school, kids from Eastern suburbs school, kids from a private school - they are all unique, have different backgrounds, opportunities, and access to equal education. Those Tables are misleading, inaccurate, damaging, demoralising and unnecessary.

I'll get off my soapbox now...

quality literature

2010-05-25T05:39:00.008+10:00

So I'm up early to work some more on my program but can't get all these great books I discovered last Friday at this course out of my head...

I'll introduce you to one author/illustrator - Chris van Allsburg. I think his more well known books would be The Polar Express and Jumanji.

Two other treasures which were shown to us was 'The Sweetest Fig' and 'The Mysteries of Harris Burdick'. The books seem to be more suitable for older primary and even high school aged children but I think they could even be for younger children.

My own interest was sparked by 'Harris Burdick' in particular. It isn't so much as a story but a set of illustrations with a title and then one line to accompany it. They are brilliant - fantastic for visual literacy, promoting imagination and creativeness, discussion of all the possibilities and even engaging children to write their own story after being inspired from that one illustration and line.

From van Allsburg's website...

When Chris Van Allsburg was invited to the home of Peter Wenders, he discovered fourteen drawings that were, like pieces of a picture puzzle, clues to larger pictures.
But the puzzles, the mysteries, presented by these drawings, are not what we are used to. They are not solved for us, as the final pages of a book or a film's last reel. The solutions to these mysteries lie in a place at once closer to hand, yet far more remote. They lie in our imagination.

For those who have thought of themselves as unimaginative, this book will prove the opposite. Even the most reluctant imagination, when confronted by these drawings, will not be able to resist solving the mysteries of Harris Burdick.

Introduction

I first saw the drawings in this book a year ago, in the home of a man named Peter Wenders. Though Mr. Wenders is retired now, he once worked for a children’s book publisher, choosing the stories and pictures that would be turned into books.
Thirty years ago a man called at Peter Wenders’s office, introducing himself as Harris Burdick. Mr. Burdick explained that he had written fourteen stories and had drawn many pictures for each one. He’d brought with him just one drawing from each story, to see if Mr. Wenders liked his work.

Peter Wenders was fascinated by the drawings. He told Burdick he would like to read the stories that went with them as soon as possible. The artist agreed to bring the stories the next morning. He left the fourteen drawings with Wenders. But he did not return the next day. Or the day after that. Harris Burdick was never heard from again. Over the years, Wenders tried to find out who Burdick was and what had happened to him, but he discovered nothing. To this day Harris Burdick remains a complete mystery.

His disappearance is not the only mystery left behind. What were the stories that went with these drawings? There are some clues. Burdick had written a title and caption for each picture. When I told Peter Wenders how difficult it was to look at the drawings and their captions without imagining a story, he smiled and left the room. He returned with a dust-covered cardboard box. Inside were dozens of stories, all inspired by the Burdick drawings. They’d been written years ago by Wenders’s children and their friends.

I spent the rest of my visit reading these stories. They were remarkable, some bizarre, some funny, some downright scary. In the hope that other children will be inspired by them, the Burdick drawings are reproduced here for the first time.

Doesn't it just make you tingle with excitement at the endless opportunities for our imaginations?

I'm looking forward to putting an order in with the Book Depository very soon.

reading & acadamic success

2010-05-22T14:17:00.002+10:00

Here's something I learnt at a course I went to yesterday.

According to research in a study where they got Mum's from a wide variety of backgrounds - socio-economic, working, stay at home, races, etc to record themselves reading to their kids over a week. What the researchers found from the transcripts was for the kids who weren't achieving at a high level at school, their Mum's viewed bedtime reading as a quietening down activity and shushed their kids whenever they tried to talk about the book or make connections to their own lives from the book.

The achieving kids, on the the other hand, sometimes didn't finish reading the book with their Mum because there was so much discussion happening.

It would be safe to assume then that discussion helps the kids to become critical thinkers, make connections and get deeper meaning from the book rather than passively listening.

Something to think about...

prodigal

2010-05-11T19:54:00.001+10:00

A powerful reminder of the grace of our heavenly Father.

Found via girltalk.

valuing life

2010-05-05T17:39:00.002+10:00

I came across this on the SMH website.
It's heartbreaking, especially people's comments.

nobody does it better...

2010-05-03T20:43:00.003+10:00

The awesomely amazing, incredibly gifted and wonderfully creative Ally is celebrating her blogoversary by giving away one of her beautiful bags. Not to be missed - go check it out!

No wardrobe is complete without one. In fact, if I don't win one I will need to invest.

Perfectionism

2010-04-26T15:26:00.003+10:00

Sometimes I find myself so afraid of doing things wrong or being unsure of how to do something, that it is really hard to get started.

This afternoon it was programming for school. A massive and overwhelming task, especially when I have not done it before for a class. It was too much, so I kept finding other things to do apart from that. I was on the verge of panicking at the enormity of it all.

This happens to me a lot, in different situations and it's not helpful. Something needs to change.

So I had a nap, prayed, took a deep breath and made a plan of attack.

Baby steps.

One thing at a time.

In the end I figured I should just start on one thing - guided reading worksheets for the week.

I typed in the title of the book and then stared at the screen for 5 minutes. Where the heck do I start? I envy experienced teachers who can do these now without thinking. I want them to be engaging, at their level so they can achieve independently but being challenging enough to push them a bit further, to excel them, to encourage them....

Just start with something!

And then it sort of flowed. Not sure if it's groundbreaking stuff but it's a start for me.

I realise this thought process comes quite naturally or sub-consciously for many people but for me I have to talk myself through it.

Perfectionism is crippling at times.

Anyone else like that?

the civil wars 'poison & wine'

2010-04-13T09:48:00.002+10:00

i'm a goose

2010-04-12T09:26:00.002+10:00

I have a knack of doing and/or saying things that are beyond silly and ridiculous.
Here are 2 of my most recent goose moments:

Stapled my finger while reloading stapler - hurt (and still hurts) a lot!
While at Easter show looking for big, exciting and scary rides to go on - I saw one in the distance that looked amazing... only to be told by my friend that it's actually a light fixture for the grand arena...

And as I've learnt through a many a goose moments - all you can do is laugh!

long term plans

2010-04-04T19:59:00.002+10:00

A conversation today reminded me of a dream, for lack of a better word, that has been floating around in my mind on and off for the last few years. I've entertained the idea of teaching in Africa. Can't say why Africa. Can't say why I've had that idea. I've never thought seriously about it, made plans, or acted on it. I guess knowing I'm the sort of person to need a 'security blanket' of knowing I will know at least one other person when going to a party or the fact I've never been overseas before or not feeling confident in my teaching skills as yet.

I've never really taken time to really think and pray about what plans I should be making - being purposeful in what I'm doing with my life and how I am serving Jesus. I am abundantly blessed and God has graciously given me many gifts. And I've been challenged anew today about using those blessings to build his kingdom to bring Him glory.

Knowing full well that the best laid plans can be altered by God according to His will, should not mean that no plans should be made at all. So I'm going to spend some time this week to pray about this and hope for some more definitive answers in what direction to take. It might be Africa, it could be staying at Yagoona, or God could reveal to me a new ministry option. I pray I will be listening and He will give me the courage to follow through on whatever path he sets me on.

i think i can, i think i can

2010-03-31T07:09:00.003+11:00

It's Wednesday morning.

Two more days left of Term 1.

Physically, emotionally and mentally exhausted.

Seems nigh impossible to make it through the next 2 days.

Would coffee really help in this situation or is it all a myth?

Couldn't sleep last night.

Evaluating, thinking and planning for next term.

No plans forming for the next two days though.

God please give me strength.

I can't do this using my own.

me church

2010-03-28T21:31:00.003+11:00

We were shown this clip last week at Church and it has really challenged me to evaluate my attitude towards Church. It really hit me tonight for some reason... the things I sub-consciously think when I'm there:

I'm tired
They are not easy to talk to
They wouldn't like me
I want to talk to my friends

Our pastor has been really encouraging us to talk to someone new each week, especially since it's the beginning of the year with lots of new University and College students starting.

I pray that I can let go of this 'me' attitude and begin to look at how I can serve others at Church.

what do kids need?

2010-03-25T09:31:00.005+11:00

Having now taught my own class for a grand total of 8 weeks (being a teacher for 4 years before that in non-class teacher roles), chatting to parents and discussions with colleagues, it has dawned on me that I may have a bit of knowledge when it comes to raising kids and what they need, that I always assumed was obvious to everyone. I have done no research to back my observations but I'm fairly confident my experience as a teacher counts toward some credibility as an authority on the subject. I thought I would post them onto my blog as they come up in everyday life.

The latest discussion in the staffroom was around our kids not having a good general knowledge. During an excursion to the city, the kids passed a statue of Queen Victoria. One student remarked that we are not in Victoria, we are in NSW and how stupid it was. His teacher tried to explain that it was a statue of Queen Victoria and the kids retorted back that she was wrong - it's Queen Elizabeth.

Kids need to have experiences, outings and discussions with adults to get to know their world. They don't have to be major, grandiose outings; everyday life experiences are valuable too. Do you know how hard it is to explain the concept of recycling to 5 year old kids who have never engaged in a conversation with their parents about it at home? Plan trips with your kids, include them in the planning process and TALK with them about what you are doing, where you are going.

Off the top of my head here are some things you can include your kids in to broaden their experience of the world (depending on their age):

Shopping - preparing menu for the week, quantities needed, making a shopping list, going to the shops, give them some items to collect, let them hand over money/swipe card at the register, talk about healthy food (sometimes/everyday foods), cold/fresh/hot foods...

Recycling - why do we have separate rubbish bins, looking after our environment, what happens to the paper/glass/plastic when it gets to the recycling centre

Planning a holiday - budget, itinerary, maps, travel method, pros and cons of going by car or by plane,

Cooking

Invite a family member/friend over for morning tea. Plan the event, make an invitation, help your child to prepare a performance for your guest, make tickets for the show, show them how to serve and be hospitable to a guest.

Housework - I know it may seem more hassle than it's worth but think of the valuable lesson they are learning in looking after their belongings and taking responsibility.

Day outings - to the zoo, aquarium, beach, rainforest, Blue Mountains, park, river, library, the city, Circular Quay, on the ferry, monorail, Powerhouse museum, art gallery, ...

If I was allowed to and had the money to I would do all of these things with my kids in my class. I long for them to see and experience everything (not to say all of them aren't).

The list could go on and on but the main point I want to stress is TALK to your kids about everything (even if it seems mundane to you) and DO things with them. Kids are so curious about the world around them, have so many questions and want to learn but need someone to show them this amazing world and explain it to them.

what was i thinking?

2010-03-20T23:38:00.002+11:00

I love photography. Bought a second hand SLR camera from my Uncle last year. Love experimenting with it. Love getting great photos.

Now friends are asking me to be photographer at their wedding. Have done one - felt I could have done way better. Doing another in June. The more I read and ask professionals questions the more I think I should have perhaps said no. The recommendations are to get the next model up from what I have (very expensive) and practice at several weddings with a professional before even considering doing it myself.

Oh dear...

It is very tempting to buy a new camera though...

i'm back....i think

2010-03-14T21:18:00.002+11:00

Having changed my email address a couple of months ago, I was having issues signing into my blog. The complexities of it was too much and I couldn't find the answer easily in the Help section so I gave up and got caught up in the busyness of work. Something must have being different tonight as I was ready to tackle it again and lo and behold - problem solved! Now to actually write some posts...

off switch

2009-12-30T12:18:00.002+11:00

I like thinking.

I also like sleep.

Which is problematic because I have not yet figured out how to turn the thinking part of the brain off when it is time to sleep. Last night I ended getting out of bed to watch a DVD for 2 hours, hoping I would fall asleep on the couch. That didn't work. So went back to bed at 2:30 and must have eventually dozed off.

I think it's end of year reflectiveness that has my brain in overdrive. I also find that Sunday nights are a thought full time, thinking about the week ahead.

There are many thoughts swirling around but will just share one for now. I was wondering why I hadn't been writing on my blog more often. Here's my theory - I feel I don't have the time or the talent to write perfect final copy posts, linking ideas and trying to connect my random thoughts to where I had read that idea and then trying to find it. So here's the solution - rough draft posts. I will try not to worry about how perfectly written these posts are and just get those thoughts out there. So please forgive me if it's not a coherent, grammatically correct, brilliant piece of writing!

this is who i am

2009-12-29T21:30:00.003+11:00

I have felt for the longest time too afraid to be myself and really let people see who I am. It stops me from joining in lots of social activities and it gives me anxiety sometimes over the social activities I do join in, it stops me from contributing to everyday conversations and at bible study, it prevents me from praying out loud.

I've been thinking, if I have trouble being myself and opening myself up to people, letting them see me (in the normal everyday) how much am I missing out on opportunities to share about Jesus? It's a big enough deal for me to admit to a group of predominantly dog people that I like cats, or in front of a bunch of intellectuals that I enjoy the Twilight series let alone talk about Jesus to non-Christians.

Vanessa Amorosi's song 'This is Who I Am' has struck a chord with me as I've become more aware and grown to accept myself as I am and to make myself vulnerable by letting others see who I am.

Well it's alright to be myself
Now I've learned to stand
Well it's OK to be just who I am
I've spent years really hating me
Longing to be friends
Now I hope that you can understand
This is who I am

I let my anxiety over my looks and my size hinder me as well. I've been enslaved to it and it prohibits me from living my life in full, enjoying friends, socialness and relationships and more importantly in serving God and bringing glory to Him. God made me the way I am, lovingly and purposefully, my body, my looks, my personality, my gifts. It's all good gifts from Him and I should be grateful for them and look to how I can use them for his glory.

another chapter

2009-12-21T15:30:00.003+11:00

There is a change for me next year in my career. In a lot of ways I am very ready to move on from being a Reading Recovery teacher. I found it quite challenging and at times depressing as I struggled each day to teach these kids and see slow and little progress. When they started succeeding and achieving it was incredibly rewarding but I am ready for a change and was overjoyed when my school decided to give me a Year 2 class in 2010.

I graduated recently and at the ceremony the handout had this quote on the back from Marie Clay, who developed the Reading Recovery program. It really resonated with me with how I felt, particularly the last 6 months, as I've questioned my abilities as a teacher when my kidlets weren't learning.

Teachers who work in an early literacy intervention should be given recognition for the work they do.
The task is not quite as exciting as teaching children of varied talents in a classroom. It is a job that carries more strain, and one's pupils will often have lower achievement than those of other teachers at the end of the year.
The school has to recognise that this person is very important and needs appropriate rewards for taking this task.
The response of these children may not be rapid, even when they are given a highly skilled and experienced teacher who uses special techniques.

I'm looking forward to the exciting, and quite daunting, role of class teacher. I'm thankful that I have the skills as a trained Reading Recovery teacher to implement strategies within a classroom setting to excel students in reading and writing. I'm not confident in any other key learning area but if nothing else my class will be fantastic readers!!

holiday reading

2009-12-20T12:12:00.003+11:00

Term 4 was busy and exhausting. So exhausting in fact that I have not been reading at all this Term. I've been too tired to read before going to bed, which is what I usually do. Which is why I am very thankful it is now holidays!

I've been given a pile of books from the Angus & Robertson Top 100 List by a Mum from school (we are both working our way through that list and she very kindly lends me all her books) and I have quite a few unread Christian books of my own. Last holidays, which was 2 weeks, I read 5 books. Not sure I can keep up that rate these holidays but it will be fun trying to get there!

From the Top 100:
* Tully by Paullina Simons
* Wicked by Gregory Maguire
* Eat, Pray, Love by Elizabeth Gilbert

A classic that needs to be read:
* Sense & Sensibility by Jane Austen

Christian books I haven't finished yet (over halfway):
* Radical Womanhood by Carolyn McCulley
* Worldliness edited by CJ Mahaney
* You Can Change by Tim Chester

Christian books to start:
* Open Heart, Open Home by Karen Mains
* Desiring God by John Piper

Might go read for a little bit right now!

beautiful art

2009-11-29T09:27:00.008+11:00

My flatmate Christine and I have been chatting about filling the walls of our house with artwork so I have been on the lookout for perfect (but affordable) pieces. And then I happened to be reading my friend Naomi's blog where she bought some art by an artist Geninne on the Etsy shop.

It took me forever to choose which ones to get because they are all so beautiful but I ended up getting these ones:

I also bought this series for Mum which I won't get in time for Christmas but it will make a lovely Mothers Day present.

I'm no superwoman

2009-10-14T01:31:00.002+11:00

Now, before anyone thinks I've gone on a writing rampage, I just happened to have found all those posts I thought I had deleted. And after reading through most of them, I found it helpful to be reminded of previous epiphanies and therefore re-posted them. Pretty much all posts from October from here to the photos of Emily are old posts.

the lord, my comforter

2009-10-14T01:29:00.002+11:00

I just did this study last week, from the topical study 'Woman of God' from Mathias Media, with a friend from the 'am' service and have, as always, found God's timing in what I'm learning perfect. One part of the study looked at some verses from Hebrews, I particularly liked these:

"14Therefore, since we have a great high priest who has gone through the heavens,[a] Jesus the Son of God, let us hold firmly to the faith we profess. 15For we do not have a high priest who is unable to sympathize with our weaknesses, but we have one who has been tempted in every way, just as we are—yet was without sin. 16Let us then approach the throne of grace with confidence, so that we may receive mercy and find grace to help us in our time of need." Hebrews 4:14-16

About 3 weeks ago my neurologist recommended that I try weaning myself off my medication for my headaches to see how I go but in the last week I've been getting headaches again; one on Monday night was especially painful. Headaches, for me, mean time off work, no going to the gym, no socialising and no bible study - not my idea of a great time really. It's easy to get down about the state of my health but it's good to be reminded that I can approach God with confidence so that I may receive mercy and grace to help me in my time of need.

"4Rejoice in the Lord always. I will say it again: Rejoice! 5Let your gentleness be evident to all. The Lord is near. 6Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. 7And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus." Philipians 4:4-7

Sometimes I think surely Jesus didn't go through every temptation and suffering that I have or will? But the Bible says He has, so I need to believe it. He understands my pain, and he understands my anxiety but what I must do is go to Him with it. Just as Jesus did when He was tempted or suffering, He went straight to God to seek peace, comfort and strength. Which is one of the reasons I loved this post from Unfurling Flower.

It's good to be reminded that even thought God knows our every need, that He likes us to seek Him and ask for Him to give us strength and healing. We also need to do this so we humble ourselves before God and acknowledge that it is Him who sustains us.

becoming holy? do we have to?

2009-10-14T01:26:00.002+11:00

I have been reading book two in the Little Women series, Good Wives and came across this part last night which I related to:

"I think I haven't done much harm yet, and may keep this pay for my time," she said, after a long meditation, adding impatiently, "I almost wish I hadn't any conscience, it's so inconvenient. If I didn't care about doing right, and didn't feel uncomfortable when doing wrong, I should get on capitally. I can't help wishing sometimes that Father and Mother hadn't been so particular about such things."

Ah, Jo, instead of wishing that, thank God that "Father and Mother were particular" and pity from your heart those who have no such guardians to hedge them round with principles which may seem like prison walls to impatient youth, but which will prove sure foundations to build character upon in womanhood.

It makes me think of the times when I get frustrated with the standards that God holds me to and am tempted to just say, "I'm quite a good person, isn't that enough?" But it's not good enough for God, his standards are high, and calls us to be holy because he is holy. As Christians, we are to grow and become more like Jesus. Being good, or 'better' than the majority of society is not enough. We are all sinners and all have sin that holds us back from living our life according to God's will - pride, envy, slander, gossip, laziness, and on and on and on.

I just have to say that thanks to God and Jesus' sacrifice that we are able to come before God, righteous and holy, and also I thank him that he holds such extreme high standards that I will never attain on this earth - but just think - if I could achieve them, I would think too much of myself and become complacent. I think God knows fully well what sinful people we are, apt to be proud and self-seeking. I'm so glad that He is around to "hedge me round with principles which seem like prison walls to an impatient, young Christian, but which will prove sure foundations to build character upon in godly womanhood."

coffee, cake and building blocks

2009-10-14T01:24:00.003+11:00

Our Church had a women’s event last Friday night organised by our wonderful ministers’ wives, Emily and Susan. The hall was beautifully decorated and looked like one big comfy lounge room with couches, bean bags, candles, flowers and other lovely decorations, all put together superbly by Lauren and Kat. Katie outdid herself and make lots of delicious supper treats – that girl is amazing. And Lisa did an awesome job being the MC for the evening. There are so many talented women in our Church, and last Friday night highlighted those who had gifts in hospitality – so much to learn from them.

To start the night we were all giving a sticker that was put on our back and on that sticker was the name of a famous female person, character or object. It was a great icebreaker as we all greeted each other by looking at each other’s backs and having to ask questions to figure out who we were. It soon became clear there was categories – singers, actresses, women in the Bible, Jane Austen characters, make-up items, etc and that put us in the group we sat in for the talk.

Emily’s talk was fantastic and I wish I could remember more of it (she has promised to email the main points, so I will write another post when I get that). The talk was on these verses from 1 Peter:

“Therefore, rid yourselves of all malice and all deceit, hypocrisy, envy, and slander of every kind. Like newborn babies, crave pure spiritual milk, so that by it you may grow up in your salvation, now that you have tasted that the Lord is good.
The Living Stone and a Chosen People
As you come to him, the living Stone—rejected by men but chosen by God and precious to him— you also, like living stones, are being built into a spiritual house to be a holy priesthood, offering spiritual sacrifices acceptable to God through Jesus Christ.”
1 Peter 2:1-5

There were 3 points from Emily’s talk but the one that really spoke to me was how God has carefully placed us in the exact situation in life we are in now. We are not here by a random accident; we are exactly where we are meant to be, where God has chosen for us to be. For we are the stones that God is using to build His spiritual house, don’t you think He would think about and have a plan of where to place us and how to use us? If things went according to my plan I would have finished Uni at 22, got married the same year, had my first kid by 25 and everything would be hunky dory (typical plan for a 16 year old I think). But God knew better and brought me to Sydney, to PBC, put me next to the people He chose, put me in the workplace that He chose. I love how girltalk describes our phases of life as different seasons – and I have struggled with this season of my life – recovering from having a tumour, neurosurgery and starting work full-time.

Shouldn’t it be easy by now?
Shouldn’t I be able to do everything I want to by now?
Why can’t I do everything?
Why don’t I have an unlimited supply of energy?
Why do I get headaches?
I want to serve you Lord, so what’s the deal here?

Emily’s talk reminded me that God has put me in this season in life for a very specific purpose, as part of Him building his spiritual house. It’s not about where I think I should be but trusting that God knows where I should be and doing as much as I can within that season he has placed me in.

again and again

2009-10-14T01:24:00.001+11:00

Lately I’ve been feeling like I can relate to the Israelites. Most of the time with the benefit of being objective I think they were pretty stupid. Didn’t they realise how good they had it? Why did they keep forgetting again and again what God had done for them? Why did they forget again and again how they were meant to live? But then I have one of my epiphanies and it occurs to me how stupid I am because most of my epiphanies aren’t new revelations, they are something that God needs to show me again and again because I forget. It’s in these times that God’s grace and mercy are very real to me. My sin and failures are more transparent and I am reminded of how often I lose sight of what God wants for me. Thankfully, God keeps drawing me back to Him and with infinite patience reminds me again and again of what he wants for me and from me. Praise God for His grace, mercy, patience and love!

ambitious and vengeful? who, me?

2009-10-14T01:22:00.001+11:00

2 Samuel 3:6-39

Abner Goes Over to David

6 During the war between the house of Saul and the house of David, Abner had been strengthening his own position in the house of Saul. 7 Now Saul had had a concubine named Rizpah daughter of Aiah. And Ish-Bosheth said to Abner, "Why did you sleep with my father's concubine?"

8 Abner was very angry because of what Ish-Bosheth said and he answered, "Am I a dog's head—on Judah's side? This very day I am loyal to the house of your father Saul and to his family and friends. I haven't handed you over to David. Yet now you accuse me of an offense involving this woman! 9 May God deal with Abner, be it ever so severely, if I do not do for David what the LORD promised him on oath 10 and transfer the kingdom from the house of Saul and establish David's throne over Israel and Judah from Dan to Beersheba." 11 Ish-Bosheth did not dare to say another word to Abner, because he was afraid of him.

12 Then Abner sent messengers on his behalf to say to David, "Whose land is it? Make an agreement with me, and I will help you bring all Israel over to you."

13 "Good," said David. "I will make an agreement with you. But I demand one thing of you: Do not come into my presence unless you bring Michal daughter of Saul when you come to see me." 14 Then David sent messengers to Ish-Bosheth son of Saul, demanding, "Give me my wife Michal, whom I betrothed to myself for the price of a hundred Philistine foreskins."

15 So Ish-Bosheth gave orders and had her taken away from her husband Paltiel son of Laish. 16 Her husband, however, went with her, weeping behind her all the way to Bahurim. Then Abner said to him, "Go back home!" So he went back.

17 Abner conferred with the elders of Israel and said, "For some time you have wanted to make David your king. 18 Now do it! For the LORD promised David, 'By my servant David I will rescue my people Israel from the hand of the Philistines and from the hand of all their enemies.' "

19 Abner also spoke to the Benjamites in person. Then he went to Hebron to tell David everything that Israel and the whole house of Benjamin wanted to do. 20 When Abner, who had twenty men with him, came to David at Hebron, David prepared a feast for him and his men. 21 Then Abner said to David, "Let me go at once and assemble all Israel for my lord the king, so that they may make a compact with you, and that you may rule over all that your heart desires." So David sent Abner away, and he went in peace.

Joab Murders Abner

22 Just then David's men and Joab returned from a raid and brought with them a great deal of plunder. But Abner was no longer with David in Hebron, because David had sent him away, and he had gone in peace. 23 When Joab and all the soldiers with him arrived, he was told that Abner son of Ner had come to the king and that the king had sent him away and that he had gone in peace.

24 So Joab went to the king and said, "What have you done? Look, Abner came to you. Why did you let him go? Now he is gone! 25 You know Abner son of Ner; he came to deceive you and observe your movements and find out everything you are doing."

26 Joab then left David and sent messengers after Abner, and they brought him back from the well of Sirah. But David did not know it. 27 Now when Abner returned to Hebron, Joab took him aside into the gateway, as though to speak with him privately. And there, to avenge the blood of his brother Asahel, Joab stabbed him in the stomach, and he died.

28 Later, when David heard about this, he said, "I and my kingdom are forever innocent before the LORD concerning the blood of Abner son of Ner. 29 May his blood fall upon the head of Joab and upon all his father's house! May Joab's house never be without someone who has a running sore or leprosy or who leans on a crutch or who falls by the sword or who lacks food."

30 (Joab and his brother Abishai murdered Abner because he had killed their brother Asahel in the battle at Gibeon.)

31 Then David said to Joab and all the people with him, "Tear your clothes and put on sackcloth and walk in mourning in front of Abner." King David himself walked behind the bier. 32 They buried Abner in Hebron, and the king wept aloud at Abner's tomb. All the people wept also.

33 The king sang this lament for Abner:
"Should Abner have died as the lawless die?

34 Your hands were not bound,
your feet were not fettered.
You fell as one falls before wicked men."
And all the people wept over him again.

35 Then they all came and urged David to eat something while it was still day; but David took an oath, saying, "May God deal with me, be it ever so severely, if I taste bread or anything else before the sun sets!"

36 All the people took note and were pleased; indeed, everything the king did pleased them. 37 So on that day all the people and all Israel knew that the king had no part in the murder of Abner son of Ner.

38 Then the king said to his men, "Do you not realize that a prince and a great man has fallen in Israel this day? 39 And today, though I am the anointed king, I am weak, and these sons of Zeruiah are too strong for me. May the LORD repay the evildoer according to his evil deeds!"

I am extremely grateful for the pastors at my Church who so faithfully and clearly teach from God’s word. Last night was another great message from John on 2 Samuel 3:6-39. It has been through my time at PBC that I have learnt of how the overall message of the entire Bible is Jesus, however, I still struggle with the OT, finding how Jrsus fits in this picture and what the applications is for me. I read passage like this one and think, ‘gosh, those people did really bad things; glad I’m not like them’. How wrong I am. Abner was driven by ambition and Joab motivated by revenge – both things I am very susceptible to. How I act on that selfishness and anger may look very different to Abner and Joab but it’s still there, in my heart. Thankfully, I have Jesus who has overcome sin and the Holy Spirit to help me with my sinful nature.

Ephesians 4:22-27

22You were taught, with regard to your former way of life, to put off your old self, which is being corrupted by its deceitful desires; 23to be made new in the attitude of your minds; 24and to put on the new self, created to be like God in true righteousness and holiness.

25Therefore each of you must put off falsehood and speak truthfully to his neighbour, for we are all members of one body. 26"In your anger do not sin": Do not let the sun go down while you are still angry, 27and do not give the devil a foothold.

I am encouraged to not give the devil a foothold in my heart by harbouring hatred, anger, selfishness and personal interest.

Back in 2 Samuel, we find David, mourning the death of Abner. David was motivated by God’s justice; he did not make it his place to judge Abner but focuses on his attributes (v33-34,38). Through David we have an example of a warrior of God. While we know David has many faults (one biggie coming up in 2 Samuel!), he was still a man with a heart for God. John used the analogy that in the compass of David’s life his needle always swings back to God. He is a man after God’s own heart with a sincere desire to love and please Him.

There was a lot packed into this talk and I may have missed important links (really should have written this last night!!) but another point was that we need to be decisive people in our faith, to commit to Jesus and become warriors of God. Live by clear biblical convictions, otherwise others will determine how you act. We need not be afraid of our own limitations and failings because Jesus is not limited and perfect and as the saying goes:

“God can use a crooked stick to draw a straight line.”

Lord, may we point to Jesus even in our weakness.

the problem with will power

2009-10-14T01:17:00.003+11:00

Failure.
Hopelessness.
Despair.
Low.
Want to hide.
Discouraged.

Reading back on my posts about my New Years Resolutions, and after eating, again, junk food, this is how I feel now. But then I was reminded of the book 'Feminine Appeal' and so I whipped it out and read the chapter on self-control.
When I hear the words 'self-control' I sort of panic - 'I don't have any!'. I have tried many times over many years to be self-controlled and discipline but I seem to be getting worse at it, not better. It just doesn't work with me. But, that does not mean I should stop working on this area of my life. As Titus 2 tells us - we are ALL to have the virtue of self-control.

" 1You must teach what is in accord with sound doctrine. 2Teach the older men to be temperate, worthy of respect, self-controlled, and sound in faith, in love and in endurance.

3Likewise, teach the older women to be reverent in the way they live, not to be slanderers or addicted to much wine, but to teach what is good. 4Then they can train the younger women to love their husbands and children, 5to be self-controlled and pure, to be busy at home, to be kind, and to be subject to their husbands, so that no one will malign the word of God.

6Similarly, encourage the young men to be self-controlled. 7In everything set them an example by doing what is good. In your teaching show integrity, seriousness 8and soundness of speech that cannot be condemned, so that those who oppose you may be ashamed because they have nothing bad to say about us.

9Teach slaves to be subject to their masters in everything, to try to please them, not to talk back to them, 10and not to steal from them, but to show that they can be fully trusted, so that in every way they will make the teaching about God our Savior attractive.

11For the grace of God that brings salvation has appeared to all men. 12It teaches us to say "No" to ungodliness and worldly passions, and to live self-controlled, upright and godly lives in this present age, 13while we wait for the blessed hope—the glorious appearing of our great God and Savior, Jesus Christ, 14who gave himself for us to redeem us from all wickedness and to purify for himself a people that are his very own, eager to do what is good.

15These, then, are the things you should teach. Encourage and rebuke with all authority. Do not let anyone despise you."

Okay, so we don't have a choice... Carolyn Mahaney points out that self-control is essential if we are to effectively commend the gospel. We can't afford to ignore this command. (p64)

That's all well and good but I have tried. There have been so many points in my life where I get annoyed, frustrated and disgusted with my lack of self-control and disciplined - eat too much, sleep too much, waste too much time, not spending each day in quiet time, and so on and on and on. With much pluckiness and bravado I am determined and resolved to not be like that anymore and from tomorrow:

* I will get up early and start the day off with quiet time.
* I will make healthy choices for food, only eat what I need and I won't obsess about food.
* I will exercise for at least an hour at the gym after work.
* I will spend x amount of time on paperwork and preparing lessons outside of school hours.
* I will gossip less, or not at all for that matter, very hard to do in a public school, lots of 'issues'.
* I will...
* I will....

Just writing that list, I am noticing an interesting pattern - how often I'm saying 'I will'. I'm relying on just me, no one else. My individual strength, my efforts and counting solely on me to do all these things. It's also interesting how extreme I am - it's all or nothing, no room for gradual improvement. From tomorrow I will have self-control and these things won't be a problem anymore. Hmmm... a tad arrogant really considering that I am a sinful person in great need of God's mercy and salvation through the only perfect person, Jesus Christ.

Here are some key things I have learned or have been reminded of through this chapter:

* If Scripture requires self-control from every Christian, then it must be attainable. For whenever God gives a command, He also provides the grace to obey it.
* It is only through co-operating with the Holy Spirit that I can achieve self-control.

"To this end I labor, struggling with all his energy, which so powerfully works in me." Colossians 1:29

* Paul did toil and struggle but his effort is initiated and sustained by the Holy Spirit.
* Self-control requires effort and we do need to work hard in this area but success is only ensured by participating with the Holy Spirit.
* I need a better strength than my own - JESUS!!! (epiphany!)
* Jesus is always there in our time of need and of course He would delight in bringing glory to His name by enabling us to overcome patterns of sin.
* We need to realise 2 things:

1. We are facing sin from within ourselves and temptation from without.
2. We like to sin.

What did she say now?
Why else do we hit snooze 3 times in the morning?
Join in on gossip?
Spend so much time on the couch watching TV?

Because we like it. We like sleeping, gossiping, eating, and lazing, among many, many other things.

BUT...

* We don't enjoy it for very long.

"He chose to be mistreated along with the people of God rather than to enjoy the pleasures of sin for a short time." Hebrews 11:25

I love these verses from Romans 6:

"15What then? Shall we sin because we are not under law but under grace? By no means! 16Don't you know that when you offer yourselves to someone to obey him as slaves, you are slaves to the one whom you obey—whether you are slaves to sin, which leads to death, or to obedience, which leads to righteousness? 17But thanks be to God that, though you used to be slaves to sin, you wholeheartedly obeyed the form of teaching to which you were entrusted. 18You have been set free from sin and have become slaves to righteousness.

19I put this in human terms because you are weak in your natural selves. Just as you used to offer the parts of your body in slavery to impurity and to ever-increasing wickedness, so now offer them in slavery to righteousness leading to holiness. 20When you were slaves to sin, you were free from the control of righteousness. 21What benefit did you reap at that time from the things you are now ashamed of? Those things result in death! 22But now that you have been set free from sin and have become slaves to God, the benefit you reap leads to holiness, and the result is eternal life. 23For the wages of sin is death, but the gift of God is eternal life in Christ Jesus our Lord."

Carolyn Mahaney goes on in the chapter to look more closely at areas of self-control many women struggle with - eating, sleeping, thoughts, feelings, behaviour. You should read it (and the rest of the book) - it's really good! She also stresses that we do not attempt to address every area of our life where self-control is needed (as I'm always tempted, and still am, to do) but pick 1 or 2 to focus on, otherwise, you're definitely setting yourself up for failure.

Hmmm....pick only 1 or 2.... how do you decide that? I've decided to focus on sleep and regular quiet times with God. Because I figure quiet times should be number one priority in each day anyway and sleep (making sure I have good sleep patterns, not sleeping in and hitting snooze several times each morning) will help in having the energy and clarity of thinking to tackle other things in my day. If you're centred in God, other stuff will follow.

This chapter has been really helpful, particularly where I am right now in my situation, as a woman struggling with my image, self-esteem (from so many attempts and failures) and weight issues (self-control in diet, and exercise). And let me clear from the start that I'm not saying that Jesus is the miracle cure for weight loss nor is He here to help us get over our self esteem problems and feel beautiful (read this). That is not the appropriate or right way to view Jesus. After watching this interview with Mark Driscoll I can see, much like the prosperity gospel, using Jesus for our gain and benefit, for anything, is idolatry.

Now how am I feeling?

Hopeful.
Redeemed.
Grateful.
Saved.
Loved.
Bring it all back to Jesus!

in times of worry...

2009-10-14T01:15:00.000+11:00

It's that time of year again where I get my yearly MRI and check up with my neurosurgeon. It has now been 2 years since my surgery and last year's check up showed no sign of the tumour. So leading up to my MRI this morning I was feeling fine - happy days, nothing to worry about - the first year is the big indication of the tumour returning, and that was all clear. But after lying and listening to the loud clanking of the MRI machine, having my needle, and having plenty of time to be still and reminisce about my time in hospital, I became emotional.

Part of it is worrying about potential possibilities. What if there is something there? Will I have surgery again? But I think most of my emotion comes from reliving my time around diagnosis, surgery and recovery. At the time I was extremely happy and joyful and vindicated that the doctors had found what was causing my health problems and they could fix it but looking back it was quite 'full on'. Although my tumour was benign, neurosurgery is really scary and thankfully my Mum (who is a doctor) kept a very calm face and didn't really show her worry because she really knew what could go wrong. And there was also emotion from being 'tired' for so many years and finally been free from that.

I would love to say that I don't worry, that I put all my trust and hope in Jesus but I tend to try to hold onto my problems. I can feel that God is working in me through this anxiety as I know I could be a lot worse and I am constantly reminded of this verse today:

"Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you."
1 Peter 5:7

things that have helped me to understand god's word

2009-10-14T01:12:00.002+11:00

I've been looking at Genesis in my quiet time and I was up to Genesis 17 when two things happened which made me go back to the beginning and start again.

1. I bought an ipod shuffle - it is so small and just clips on your shirt! Perfect for listening to sermons!
2. I discovered that Mars Hill Church and my Church, Petersham Baptist had talks on their websites on Genesis. Mars Hill even had a booklet study guide to download.

I got excited! My friend Cathy had years ago given me exercise books decoratively covered with brown paper and pretty bits for my quiet time and I have loved using them to write notes in. But I wanted something bigger! So I marched out to find Scrapbooks so I could cover them and glue passages from the Bible and copies of commentaries from Mars Hill and my own New Bible Commentary and other info in and scribble all over it with textas! My idea of learning!

I am only 2 days into it, having only looked at the 6 days of Creation but I have learnt so much about the Creator, His creation, our relationship with Him and our purpose in this world. There have been some discrepancies between the 2 commentaries but I think they are over things that we can never fully know for sure so aren't as important as if they were in disagreement over who God is and His plan for salvation. For example, from this verse:

Then God said, "Let us make man in our image, in our likeness, and let them rule over the fish of the sea and the birds of the air, over the livestock, over all the earth, and over all the creatures that move along the ground."
Genesis 1:26

Mars Hill's commentary and study guide assert that 'us' and 'our' refer to the Trinity, whereas NBC (New Bible Commentary) say it is actually God and the angels. In his talk on this passage, Mark points to the next verse as evidence that we are made only in the image of God:

So God created man in his own image,
in the image of God he created him;
male and female he created them.
Genesis 1:27

As I've said, possibly not something to get in a tangle about which is right but it's been really great looking at two different sources to help me examine God's word.

And coincidentally just after hearing Mark Driscoll's talk on day 6 of creation (man) I read this in the book 'The Single Issue' in the chapter on freedom and opportunity:

"Married couples would do well to remember that having children is an option, not a societal obligation. Couples can choose to remain childless as an expression of 'married celibacy':
'It would be fruitful to examine...the commitment of a couple to childlessness, not on the grounds of ease or materialism, but for the sake of the mobility and concentration of ministry. A permanent commitment of a couple to childlessness would in some ways be analogous to the commitment of celibacy'.

...

Those without children are free from worry about abuse by child-minders or the quality of their children's education. Free from the anxieties of parenting, they can invest their time and emotional energies elsewhere, especially in community service and the life of the church. Money that otherwise would be allocated for their children's education can be used to fund Christian work and charities."
(Hsu, pp.106-107)

Reading this whilst in the waiting room, I was quietly fuming... surely not. Did God not tell us to:

...be fruitful and increase in number; fill the earth and subdue it."
Genesis 1:28

Isn't the goal of marriage to have children so they may grow up in loving and serving God? Mark Driscoll said as much in his talk. He talks of Christians creating a counter-culture for God's kingdom, predominantly through marriage and having children raised up knowing and loving God (listen to the talk - it's very good). I was still a bit confused and I remembered I had a talk on my ipod by David Starling on God & The Family and in that talk he also talks of how childlessness is not an option for a Christian married couple. Understandably, some couples are unable to but God has created marriage and sex for procreation so if you can - do!

I'm still not so clear on the issue as Hsu maintains that a childless couple can give more time, energy and money into ministry, so you could reason there is nothing wrong with that. But my question is why do they need to be married at all? A single person could do the exact same thing.

Isn't it wonderful that we can know God through his word and we have an abundance of resources to help us get a better understanding of Him and what He has done for us and what He commands us? Including blogging!

it's funny because it's true

2009-10-14T01:11:00.000+11:00

gluttony, body image and god - part 1

2009-10-14T01:08:00.003+11:00

I listened to this great talk by Crystal Munson from Mars Hill Church on the topic of ‘Gluttony’. I’m not sure how many of us would cringe at that word. It seems so harsh and disgusting. Can’t we just call it ‘overeating’ or better still ‘unhealthy eating’? This talk was great for me because Crystal openly and honestly shared her story and struggle with overeating. I found this incredibly brave and I appreciate her courage to confess her sin and struggle with so many people. It has caused me to stop and really evaluate my struggle with overeating, my weight and obsessing about my appearance.

I have always been a ‘big girl’, not necessarily overweight but tall and bigger nonetheless. And I’ve always been self-conscious of this. Around the time I was in Year 11 I started putting on lots of weight and was struggling with feeling tired all the time. In 2006 it was discovered that I had a pituitary tumour which would have contributed to some of my weight gain over that 8-9 year period but I believe that even without the tumour I would have had been an overeater and gained a fair bit of weight.

I associate food with comfort. Like Crystal pointed out, if all my thoughts are consumed with food, there is no room for thinking about other things, such as feeling lonely, sad, angry, frustrated, and overwhelmed. It was by far easier to seek comfort and satisfaction from food than to actually deal with these emotions. From a young age I was sneaking food, lying to people about what I was eating, hiding the amount I would eat and then be ashamed of what I had eaten. Along with this, I was gripped with self-loathing over how I looked. I have constantly compared myself to other girls/women and have not measured up. Other women were always prettier and thinner than me. Crystal said that being fat was the defining factor in her life and it overshadowed everything; it didn’t matter that she was funny, had good friends, was smart and worked hard. It’s exactly how I felt and still feel to some extent even now as a 27 year old. She also shared that she was convinced that she would marry someday but always assumed she would have to be thin first because guys just don’t date fat girls, and it was like she was speaking from my own heart. That is exactly how I feel. God in His grace has given Crystal a husband and I pray that one day He will do the same for me.

“You, my brothers, were called to be free. But do not use your freedom to indulge the sinful nature (or flesh); rather, serve one another in love.” Galatians 5:13

God used this verse to show Crystal that her overeating is a sin. And this was a revelation to me as well. I had never heard that. It’s just food. It’s not that big of a deal. Aren’t there bigger things to worry about? But then I thought what is ‘sin’? I’ve heard someone describe it before as ‘anything that keeps us from been in a right relationship with God’. If my entire life is driven by opportunities to indulge the flesh, if my thoughts are constantly focused on food and my appearance, how can there be room for God in there? My overeating and obsession with appearance is rebellion, selfishness, prideful, stubbornness, idolatry, self indulgence and an abuse of the freedom God has given me. Indulging the flesh will prevent me also from loving and serving others and Jesus. What is more important to me – food or God?

Crystal spoke of how she prayed and prayed to God for self-control and discipline and she waited and waited and God didn’t do what she wanted to do. I have been doing the same thing. I thought that is what God would want – isn’t it a good thing that I am asking for these things?

“If I had cherished sin in my heart,
the Lord would not have listened...” Psalm 66:18

Maybe God was not listening to my prayers because I cherished this sin in my heart. I like to eat. It wasn’t that I wanted God to change my heart but I wanted Him to change my body. I wasn’t seeking repentance or humility; I just wanted to fit into a size 14 (I was being realistic and not asking for a size 10). All I want is to lose weight. After all God has done for me I wanted glory for myself. I want to impress people. I want people to see me and think of how beautiful I look and how thin I am.

Crystal spoke from the passage Philippians 3:18-19 which I will share about in a later post.

“For, as I have often told you before and now say again even with tears, many live as enemies of the cross of Christ. Their destiny is destruction, their god is their stomach, and their glory is in their shame. Their mind is on earthly things.” Philippians 3:18-19

gluttony, body image and god - part 2

2009-10-14T01:03:00.003+11:00

More on what I have learned from listening to Crystal Munson's talk on 'Gluttony'.

“For, as I have often told you before and now say again even with tears, many live as enemies of the cross of Christ. Their destiny is destruction, their god is their stomach, and their glory is in their shame. Their mind is on earthly things.” Philippians 3:18-19

What are the things we set our minds on?

What should I eat?
What shouldn't I eat?
How can I hide what I've eaten?
How can I justify the amount I've eaten?
I wished I look like...
If only I was thinner...
How am I going to get a better body?
Will people think I look beautiful in this?
She looks better than me...
How much weigh have I lost?
How can I make my body different...
What can I do to make myself more beautiful?
I wish I could change...
I hope no-one is looking at me...

What we let our minds dwell on, are the things we begin to worship - a number on the scales, our appearance, food, a menu plan, an exercise plan, our bodies, our stomachs; all can become our little idols and we begin to worship them. It is foolishness to think that you can spend all day thinking about food, what people think of us, what we look like and not be worshipping these things. It soon becomes evident that we are giving more time, energy, money and thought to our stomachs, our bodies and our appearance than we are giving to God.

Why do you want to overcome gluttony?
Is it because you are repentant or is to impress other people?

I should have mentioned earlier that there are some people who struggle with gluttony and who look fine, so appearance is not really a motivator for them. This is not about how we look but our thoughts, attitudes, motives and actions that are sins; what keeps us from been in a right relationship with God and how these things can cause us to become enemies of the Cross of Christ.

Crystal focused on 2 particular areas that can make us enemies of the Cross of Christ:

Self-sufficiency
Basically, this is us saying - "I can do this by myself and I don't need God's help". It's trying to fix ourselves in order that we may have something to offer to God, something that makes us acceptable, lovable and worthy. Essentially, trying to earn our salvation. But by saying you could earn your salvation, you are then implying you don't need the Cross and this attitude will put you at odds with the Cross.

"He himself bore our sins in His body on the tree, so that we might die to sin and live for righteousness; by His wounds you have been healed." 1 Peter 2:24

We are dead in our sin and there is NOTHING we can do to save ourselves. Every time you sin while eating (or any other way) it is a wound that Jesus had to bear on the cross, so that we could be healed, so that we could be found righteous in the eyes of God. How foolish are we to think that we are capable of changing our own hearts? It should be clear after a time of struggle in an area of sin that you are incapable and completely insufficient to soften and transform your own heart. It is humbling to think that we cannot even eat without sinning apart from the grace of Jesus. As long as you are endeavouring to fix yourself and make yourself more acceptable, and show God how capable you are of cleaning yourself up, you're going to despise what He did on the cross for you. And given enough time of trying to fix yourself up and make yourself look good, you will eventually experience self-condemnation.

Self-condemnation
Self-condemnation is accusation, hopelessness and shame. It is different to Godly conviction. It is essential to feel God given conviction, to feel heartbroken and crushed at the depth of your sin in this area. Self-condemnation is Satan attacking and condemning you with thoughts of:

What were you thinking?
You are never going to be thin if you keep this up.
Don't you trust Jesus to help you?
You're hopeless.
You're worthless.
You can't even do this.
How could God love you?
You begin to think of how you have fallen short in honouring God with your body and feel ashamed.

This puts you in a place where find it hard to believe that God would love you and that He would forgive someone as sinful as you. Then you will be unable to accept the sufficiency of what Jesus did on the cross for you.

"God made Him who had no sin to be sin for us, so that in Him we might become the righteousness of God." 2 Corinthians 5:21

Jesus doesn't just forgive your sin, give you a ticket to heaven and say 'OK, I've done my part, the rest is up to you, you finish it by yourself.' He became sin so we could have His righteousness. So when Satan, the father of lies, starts filling your head with accusations, claim Romans 8:1 which says:

"...there is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus."

Believe it! We can't say to ourselves 'I am worthless' or 'I am hopeless' and in the next breath say there is no condemnation for me.
Choose to believe God's truth instead of Satan's lies. God wants us to have redemption from our sins and have God restored to the centre of our worship. It's where He wants you and promises to take you.
We need to spend time asking God to expose to us where our sin is, where our idols are, and hopefully when God shows us, we can have repentance and grieve our sin. But the goal is not to be good people who don't do those bad things we used to do. The goal is that we would have a right view of God and that He could restore us to a place of joyful worship. That we will see God for all that He is and hopefully bring EVERY aspect of our lives under His submission including what we eat and what we do with our bodies.

The biggest lie Satan wants you to hear is that this isn't a big issue, that this doesn't really affect our relationship with God. This is not a minor sin and this isn't something we can ignore - it will affect your ability to worship God, to love God and to receive love from God.

Crystal suggests looking at any chapter in the Bible and ask God what He can show you of your sin of gluttony. The reason being, that we see the word 'sin' and attach it to something else because we don't want to acknowledge gluttony as a sin or have to deal with it. Ask God to show you the changes you need to make with your eating and your body. He will tell you and He will fight the battle for you. I have started doing this working my way through Philippians and will share with you what I have found another time.

He provides His strength where before we had weakness.
He provides His righteousness for us when all we ever knew was sin.

Psalm 31:
1 In you, O LORD, I have taken refuge;
let me never be put to shame;
deliver me in your righteousness.

2 Turn your ear to me,
come quickly to my rescue;
be my rock of refuge,
a strong fortress to save me.

3 Since you are my rock and my fortress,
for the sake of your name lead and guide me.

4 Free me from the trap that is set for me,
for you are my refuge.

5 Into your hands I commit my spirit;
redeem me, O LORD, the God of truth.

6 I hate those who cling to worthless idols;
I trust in the LORD.

7 I will be glad and rejoice in your love,
for you saw my affliction
and knew the anguish of my soul.

8 You have not handed me over to the enemy
but have set my feet in a spacious place.

9 Be merciful to me, O LORD, for I am in distress;
my eyes grow weak with sorrow,
my soul and my body with grief.

10 My life is consumed by anguish
and my years by groaning;
my strength fails because of my affliction,
and my bones grow weak.

11 Because of all my enemies,
I am the utter contempt of my neighbors;
I am a dread to my friends—
those who see me on the street flee from me.

12 I am forgotten by them as though I were dead;
I have become like broken pottery.

13 For I hear the slander of many;
there is terror on every side;
they conspire against me
and plot to take my life.

14 But I trust in you, O LORD;
I say, "You are my God."

15 My times are in your hands;
deliver me from my enemies
and from those who pursue me.

16 Let your face shine on your servant;
save me in your unfailing love.

17 Let me not be put to shame, O LORD,
for I have cried out to you;
but let the wicked be put to shame
and lie silent in the grave.

18 Let their lying lips be silenced,
for with pride and contempt
they speak arrogantly against the righteous.

19 How great is your goodness,
which you have stored up for those who fear you,
which you bestow in the sight of men
on those who take refuge in you.

20 In the shelter of your presence you hide them
from the intrigues of men;
in your dwelling you keep them safe
from accusing tongues.

21 Praise be to the LORD,
for he showed his wonderful love to me
when I was in a besieged city.

22 In my alarm I said,
"I am cut off from your sight!"
Yet you heard my cry for mercy
when I called to you for help.

23 Love the LORD, all his saints!
The LORD preserves the faithful,
but the proud he pays back in full.

24 Be strong and take heart,
all you who hope in the LORD.

what I want to do I do not do, but what I hate to do...

2009-10-14T01:01:00.001+11:00

I was looking at these blog posts here and here and found even more valuable, insightful and biblically based thoughts and information on self-control and gluttony. It gave me much to mull over and in fact, when I tried to go to sleep tonight I found I had too many thoughts and questions swirling around in my head about gluttony and self-control. So, I needed to get up and get them out in an attempt to make sense of them, please bear with me...

Overeating is a sin - it is making an idol out of food and my stomach; I am seeking satisfaction and comfort from food rather than God; I am spending more money on food than I ought which prevents me from giving generously.

Self-control can be sinful - relying only on my own strength, setting up rules and legalistic conditions which I am more than likely to fail in, having pride when I resist a temptation or manage to do something well, without acknowledging God.

Motives - why do I want to overcome this area of struggle? Am I really repentant of my sin or do I just want to be thin? Is it only my pride and vanity that motivate me to eat well and to be healthy?

Agghhh!!! It's too much! I can't do it! I want to but it seems I will always be fighting my sin - what's the point?

The only one conclusion I can come to is Jesus has defeated Satan and overcome all my sin. He is righteous and holy and perfect where I am not and because of Him I am found righteous in God's eyes. Because of God's grace and Jesus' sacrifice I have been cleansed of my sin. In my search into self-control and gluttony I have been made more and more aware of my sinfulness and even more humbled and in awe of God's remarkable love and grace. He has given me redemption through Jesus and has given me the Holy Spirit (my helper) to help me to grow to become more like Jesus and to fight my struggle with my sinful nature. I find Paul's words in Romans really helpful to explain this struggle between my old and new self, my sinful nature and being a new creation in Christ...

14We know that the law is spiritual; but I am unspiritual, sold as a slave to sin. 15I do not understand what I do. For what I want to do I do not do, but what I hate I do. 16And if I do what I do not want to do, I agree that the law is good. 17As it is, it is no longer I myself who do it, but it is sin living in me. 18I know that nothing good lives in me, that is, in my sinful nature. For I have the desire to do what is good, but I cannot carry it out. 19For what I do is not the good I want to do; no, the evil I do not want to do—this I keep on doing. 20Now if I do what I do not want to do, it is no longer I who do it, but it is sin living in me that does it.

21So I find this law at work: When I want to do good, evil is right there with me. 22For in my inner being I delight in God's law; 23but I see another law at work in the members of my body, waging war against the law of my mind and making me a prisoner of the law of sin at work within my members. 24What a wretched man I am! Who will rescue me from this body of death? 25Thanks be to God—through Jesus Christ our Lord!
So then, I myself in my mind am a slave to God's law, but in the sinful nature a slave to the law of sin.
1Therefore, there is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus, 2because through Christ Jesus the law of the Spirit of life set me free from the law of sin and death. 3For what the law was powerless to do in that it was weakened by the sinful nature, God did by sending his own Son in the likeness of sinful man to be a sin offering. And so he condemned sin in sinful man, 4in order that the righteous requirements of the law might be fully met in us, who do not live according to the sinful nature but according to the Spirit.
Romans 7:14-8:4

Genesis 1-3

2009-10-14T00:59:00.000+11:00

I have looked at only the first 3 chapters of Genesis so far and have found it be a wealth of information about the character of God, His design of creation of mankind, His purpose for mankind and how we ultimately stuff it up with sin and pride, and the first glimpse of God's plan of redemption for mankind. My friend Cathy has put together quite a comprehensive list of what these chapters reveal to us about God, you can read it here.

Here are some of what I have learnt from God's creation (Genesis 1-2):

* God created the world and then lovingly and carefully prepared it for human life.
* God repeatedly pronounced the perfect and sinless nature of His creation - 'and God saw that it was good' (1:4,10,12,18, 21,25, 31).
* God made creation, from nothing, for His glory and our good.
* As we are created in His image, we are to copy our creator in having a day of rest (2:2-3).
* When God made man it 'was very good' not just good like the other days (1:31).
* When God made man He formed him and breathed life into Him - gives image of being lovingly hand made in a personal way by God (2:7), unlike anything else in creation.
* Animals are under human authority and not to be exploited by man (2:19).
* God gave the procedure for marriage - leave mother and father, then get married and then enjoy sexual intimacy (2:24).
* Mankind was the goal of creation and our welfare is God's supreme concern. We are not an afterthought/
* There is only one God of of absolute power and holiness.
* Man was appointed by God as the primary leader.
* Man and woman are created equally in the image of God.
* It is not good for man to be alone (2:18)
* God created a suitable helper for man - a woman who compliments and matches him (2:20-22).
* God created one Eve for one Adam - one man, one woman, one flesh - God's design for marriage.

And from Genesis 3:

* Eve added to God's word (3:3).
* Eve chose pride over humility.
* Adam stood by silently, failing to lead his family in godliness.
* God asks questions not for information but for confessions, both Adam and Eve did not take this opportunity for repentance but instead argued with God and placed blame with someone else.
* First hint of salvation for mankind (3:14-15).
* A woman's desire will be for marriage and children but they will cause her pain and frustration. She will struggle with feminist tendency to rule over her husband rather than submit to his leadership as God intended. (3:16)
* Man will be frustrated in work (3:17) - he will need to work to live, but will eventually die. Mark Driscoll makes the comparison that man will be frustrated with what he supposedly has dominion over, just as God is frustrated with us who He has dominion over.
* God was gracious and loving with his dealing with Adam and Eve - he clothed them and banished them from the Tree of Life so that they would not live forever in sin with no hope of redemption (3:21-23).
* The serpent mediated tempation by:

1. Overemphasising the strictness of God's law
2. Questioning God's goodwill towards human beings
3. Challenging God's judgement

* Adam and Eve:

1. Were lured by instant pleasure and supposed maturity
2. Preferred the serpent's suggestions to God's commands
3. Immediately felt shame and guilt
4. Tried to hide from God

* Pride is part of every sin.
* Sin = putting human judgement over God's divine commands.
* We are all Adams and Eves. We all sin by nature and by choice.
* We are still bearing the image of God but it is marred by our pride and sin.
* Our only hope is Jesus.
* To quote Mark Driscoll:

"Our only hope is redemption through Jesus who is God that became a man to live without sin in our place, die in our place, and rise as the pattern for the future. One day, the seed of rebellion in us from Adam will be forever removed as we re-enter the second Eden in the new creation that will exceed that place in which Adam and Eve enjoyed perfect communion with God."

* And even better to quote Scipture:

"Consequently, just as the result of one trespass was condemnation for all men, so also the result of one act of righteousness was justification that brings life for all men. For just as through the disobedience of the one man the many were made sinners, so also through the obedience of the one man the many will be made righteous."
Romans :18-19

to do list

2009-10-14T00:53:00.003+11:00

A post from girltalk was a timely reminder for me at the beginning of the holidays; when I write myself a massive to do list and get not even a quarter of it done and face the inevitable emotions of failure and never been on top of things. It's humbling to be reminded that only God gets everything done in the perfect time and in the perfect way. I'm often stupidly thinking I can do it all if I just got more organised or got up a bit earlier. I was so glad to read it now at the beginning and will pray to be reminded of this during the next 2 weeks.

things I have learnt this year...

2009-10-14T00:51:00.002+11:00

Cathy tagged me for this meme. I need to list six things I have learnt this year. I can think of some silly things I have learnt this year:

1. If you try to bowl in a style like the professionals when you are a klutz you are more than likely going to end up on your butt.

2. A sandwich forgotten in your bag all day will go very, very soggy. And plastic bags are very useful things.

3. I can get fun, young and funky clothes - I’m not limited to 3 shops who mostly specialise in older woman, frumpy clothing.

4. High School Musical is fun.

5. Kids will ask you if you’re pregnant regardless of your size. They asked my friend at work if she was and she is a Size 6!

6. I really, really, really, really, really want a fancy, schmancy, snazzy, super duper, whizz bang SLR digital camera. And the waiting until I save enough money is killing me.

7. I am artistic but in a different way to what I expected (who would have thought!)

I didn’t think I could come up with 6 things but the more I thought about the more I have realised what I have learnt (or re-learnt) over the past year. My list is longer than six but I had trouble stopping!

1. Don’t assume that because something is fine and reasonable with you, means that it will be fine and reasonable to someone else.

2. Planning and organisation makes for a much smoother day and helps to balance all the things I want to fit into my day. If I don’t plan or get organised (which is most days) things get forgotten, left out or done at a late hour. The one thing that often gets left out is my quiet time.

3. Just because you are your own worst critic does not mean that others think the same of you. I have always struggled thinking that people won’t want to be my friend because I am fat (irrational and stupid I know but it’s true) but have been proven wrong as I have made a number of new friends (and become better friends with others) this year at work, the gym, at Church and at Reading Recovery training. I still don’t believe that I will ever get married because I am fat but it has been nice to realise that my friends can see my inner beauty and qualities (and all my faults) and still want to spend time with me and love me.

4. Regular time with God is so valuable and helps me to try to be more focused and centred on Him and His will, rather than relying on my own strength, sticking to my own agenda and seeking other people’s approval.

5. We all show our stress and anger in different ways, it’s not always personal and I need to remember that my being quiet and withdrawn when tired, emotional and stressed can be just as off-putting or offensive to someone as a person’s small bursts of anger are to me.

6. Real love is sacrificial love. It’s all well and good to do things for people when I am in the mood, have the time and energy to but it’s a test to really love my friends, colleagues and family when I’m tired, busy, want my own space.

7. Just because I don’t express my thoughts out loud does not mean it’s any less of a sin.

8. We are all sinners, of which I am the worst. And God’s grace is very real and very precious and freely given; which I don’t deserve but God’s love is sacrificial and beautiful and a model to me of how I should love.

I could go on and on....Thank you Cathy for tagging me to do this meme – it has really helped me to reflect a bit on the year.

family

2009-10-14T00:49:00.002+11:00

Having spoken to a few of my friends post holiday season we have all found that we had in common that even though we love our families to bits we can find spending time with them trying. It's funny that it's like that. I used to feel guilty if I did not speak highly of my parents or brothers all the time or if I said anything negative of them. But I think to not acknowledge their faults is not to see them as they truly are - God's dearly loved children but sinners all the same, with many imperfections and flaws. And just because I can see their faults does not mean I love them any less or would mean that others (including myself) would think less of them. I deeply love and value my family - for all our annoyances and irritations, the moment when one of us is in need we are all there.

I learnt that when I had neurosurgery just over 2 years ago. My older brother (Neil) refused to leave Sydney until I was out of ICU (which was 5 days) even though he couldn't really afford to take time off work. Ian, being the softy he is, gave me a keyring as soon they saw me after surgery which declared me the 'World's Most Loved Sister' which read:

You are spirited and lively. There is never a dull moment when you are around. You motivate me when I am down and share in my successes. I am so proud to have a sister like you and want you to know how much you mean to me.

It's cheesy I know, but for those of you who know Ian will know just how true those words are in our relationship and how proud I am of all he has accomplished. Ian has such a good heart and is so kind, started crying when he read it to me and even now I'm tearing up writing this.

I remember a time at a school swimming carnival when Ian was swimming a backstroke race (he was in the lane closest to the side) and I saw Neil walking alongside the pool cheering and yelling encouragements and I immediately jumped up to join him.

Neil, for all his gruffness and crankiness, will be the one who comes down early on a Saturday morning from Newcastle to help me move house (despite owning 2 pizza stores which get very busy on Saturdays) and will also drive down to fix my computer for me. He does it with much grumbling but the thing is he does it for me and smiles when I give him a big hug.

I have learnt valuable qualities from my parents. The few that spring to mind are generosity, having good humour, a love of books, the joy in dancing in the kitchen and loyalty. My parents also sowed the seed in me for my becoming and growth as a Christian. I don't think my parents were very strong in how they taught us about God and Jesus, not having structure or traditions as such (compared with the stories I read about from Nicole and Rachel about their families, the girls on girltalk, and also what I see/read from other friends such as Cathy & Steve, Tim & Susan and so on and what they are doing in their family now) but I've thought that could be partly because they didn't have that modelled to them when they were growing up (as my grandparents weren't Christian). I know that a lot of stuff I have learnt about families I would not have thought about or seen the importance of if I haven't seen it or read about it from someone else. I hope this makes sense. However, I know my parents are Christians who understand they are sinners and are in need of a saviour who is Jesus and I have always been encouraged to pray and I know that I am prayed for. I have also learnt what not to do from observing my parents but I have come to realise that is a good thing because my Mum will tell me she did things differently to her parents and that's okay.

I have rambled on here more than I meant to but basically what I was trying to say was my family can be frustrating, annoying and irritating but gosh I love them to bits!

repent for the kingdom of heaven is near

2009-10-14T00:45:00.002+11:00

I have been reading the book 'Did I kiss marriage goodbye?' by Carolyn McCulley. This isn't a review (so not within my capabilities) but something from this book which has got me thinking. Although I will say quickly that I've found this book valuable overall (the posts on Equip have been helpful); McCulley encourages readers to pray to be a good wife and it seems a good idea in theory to prepare yourself for a husband but what if I don't get married (because not everyone does) - all that she discusses is valuable as a woman of God, regardless of my marital status so I'm not sure about this idea of seemingly focusing on making myself a better woman so I make a better wife versus growing in godliness as a woman period.

There have been many sins I have been convicted of from reading this book but the one that has most stood out for me (and I wish I could find it but haven't been able to) was when McCulley pointed out that as a single woman it is easy to not be accountable for my sins. It's easier to keep them hidden, to not acknowledge them, to not confess them and to not be accountable for them.

A week after reading that, the sermon at Church this week was on Matthew 3:1-12. I thought Tim did a brilliant job teaching us from this passage, you can find his talk here.

1In those days John the Baptist came, preaching in the Desert of Judea 2and saying, "Repent, for the kingdom of heaven is near." 3This is he who was spoken of through the prophet Isaiah:
"A voice of one calling in the desert,
'Prepare the way for the Lord,
make straight paths for him.' "[a]

4John's clothes were made of camel's hair, and he had a leather belt around his waist. His food was locusts and wild honey. 5People went out to him from Jerusalem and all Judea and the whole region of the Jordan. 6Confessing their sins, they were baptized by him in the Jordan River.

7But when he saw many of the Pharisees and Sadducees coming to where he was baptizing, he said to them: "You brood of vipers! Who warned you to flee from the coming wrath? 8Produce fruit in keeping with repentance. 9And do not think you can say to yourselves, 'We have Abraham as our father.' I tell you that out of these stones God can raise up children for Abraham. 10The ax is already at the root of the trees, and every tree that does not produce good fruit will be cut down and thrown into the fire.

11"I baptize you with[b] water for repentance. But after me will come one who is more powerful than I, whose sandals I am not fit to carry. He will baptize you with the Holy Spirit and with fire. 12His winnowing fork is in his hand, and he will clear his threshing floor, gathering his wheat into the barn and burning up the chaff with unquenchable fire."

This is what spoke to me - "Produce fruit in keeping with repentance". Does my life show that I am repenting? Have I gotten so complacent that I think repenting once to God for all my sins is enough? Where is the urgency? The kingdom is near, Jesus expects me to produce fruit or I will be cut down and thrown into the fire....

There are two areas I am struggling with (of many, many things but these two have been on my mind lately) and I have never confessed my sin to God or a friend to keep me accountable. I have kept them hidden, something that I can handle on my own (pfft!) and am too ashamed too admit. But if I am serious about God, serious about His word, I will be serious about my sin and confess it and show fruit from dealing with my sin.

I've been thinking and praying about who to talk to, who to help me in keeping me accountability. I'm still not sure yet as I feel it is a big thing to do but also feel it is what all Christians should be doing.

16Therefore confess your sins to each other and pray for each other so that you may be healed. The prayer of a righteous man is powerful and effective.
James 5:16

5This is the message we have heard from him and declare to you: God is light; in him there is no darkness at all. 6If we claim to have fellowship with him yet walk in the darkness, we lie and do not live by the truth. 7But if we walk in the light, as he is in the light, we have fellowship with one another, and the blood of Jesus, his Son, purifies us from all[a] sin.

8If we claim to be without sin, we deceive ourselves and the truth is not in us. 9If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just and will forgive us our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness.
1John 1:5-9

We are to acknowledge our sin, confess it to God, confess it to each other, pray for each other so that God may forgive us and purify us and show his truth and grace.

I realise I am not the most eloquent or clearest writer or the most theologically correct but I wanted to share what has been on my mind recently. I pray it encourages you in some way to grow in your own relationship with God and to desire more to grow in godliness.

bad memory

2009-10-14T00:43:00.002+11:00

I joke about my bad memory but it troubles me sometimes how easily I can forget things that I have learnt at Church, Bible Study, personal reading of the Bible, my own reflections, insights from reading other people's blogs, etc, etc. I came across this post in my blogging travels from the Pipers of their young son reciting scripture word for word because they had read this passage to him everyday leading up to Christmas. It reminded me of these two passages from Psalms (I guess I do remember some things after all...)

1 Blessed is the man
who does not walk in the counsel of the wicked
or stand in the way of sinners
or sit in the seat of mockers.

2 But his delight is in the law of the LORD,
and on his law he meditates day and night.

3 He is like a tree planted by streams of water,
which yields its fruit in season
and whose leaf does not wither.
Whatever he does prospers.

4 Not so the wicked!
They are like chaff
that the wind blows away.

5 Therefore the wicked will not stand in the judgment,
nor sinners in the assembly of the righteous.

6 For the LORD watches over the way of the righteous,
but the way of the wicked will perish.
Psalm 1
______________________________________

1 Blessed are they whose ways are blameless,
who walk according to the law of the LORD.

2 Blessed are they who keep his statutes
and seek him with all their heart.

3 They do nothing wrong;
they walk in his ways.

4 You have laid down precepts
that are to be fully obeyed.

5 Oh, that my ways were steadfast
in obeying your decrees!

6 Then I would not be put to shame
when I consider all your commands.

7 I will praise you with an upright heart
as I learn your righteous laws.

8 I will obey your decrees;
do not utterly forsake me.

9 How can a young man keep his way pure?
By living according to your word.

10 I seek you with all my heart;
do not let me stray from your commands.

11 I have hidden your word in my heart
that I might not sin against you.

12 Praise be to you, O LORD;
teach me your decrees.

13 With my lips I recount
all the laws that come from your mouth.

14 I rejoice in following your statutes
as one rejoices in great riches.

15 I meditate on your precepts
and consider your ways.

16 I delight in your decrees;
I will not neglect your word.
Psalm 119:1-16

What has stuck with me were the parts about delighting in the law of the Lord, meditating on it day and night; hiding His word in my heart so that I may not sin against Him and meditating on His law (I had to look up what precepts are!) and considering His ways. In fact all of Psalm 119 is great.

So maybe instead of laughing off my bad memory, I could be meditating on God's word everyday and it will become hidden in my heart and I can recall it when I need to, just like those 2 verses (Psalm 1:2 and Psalm 119:11,15) came to mind when considering my own knowledge of God's word - pretty cool isn't it? If a pre-schooler can remember God's word then so can I!

can I change?

2009-10-14T00:41:00.001+11:00

There are some things that have been an ongoing struggle. Sins that I've fallen into and feel I will never get back on track. I've tried and then failed many times and I guess deep down I believe that I'm not strong, committed, disciplined or have no will power to change. And I'm right - I can't do this. Every day I fall into thinking that I can do this and ashamedly reject God in my quest for self improvement.

Lately, it has been shown to me that knowing God is designed by God as a way of guarding us from sin and guiding us in life (an idea from John Piper). And I've seen small but very real and victorious (for me) cases where that is true. I want to know God and by reading the Bible regularly and praying and reading good bible-based books, I have noticed a change. It's still difficult and it's by no means a magic pill to cure all struggles but personally I have experienced God working in me to change my sinful habits and while it's a long journey ahead I am so excited and praise God for the way He is blessing me.

I have to repeatedly learn that I can't do things in my own strength but only through God's strength and by knowing Him more is He able to guard me and guide me in my daily life.

measuring up

2009-10-14T00:39:00.003+11:00

Foolish that it is, I know there are times when I watch someone who I admire, respect and look up to as a more mature Christian; be surprised about something they have said or done because I know it goes against scripture, whether it be anger, judging, gossiping, worrying, and then justified it thinking, well, if they do it, it must be ok. How stupid!

All have sinned and fall short of the glory of God (Romans 3:23); all struggle with our sinful nature (1 Peter 2:11) and all should be following the example of Jesus and using Him as our guide to how to be living our lives (1 Corinthians 11:1, 1 Timothy 1:16). Made me laugh to think I was justifying my own sinful behaviour because another sinful person was doing it! It is helpful to be reminded by the Holy Spirit that my standard is holiness, to be holy because God is Holy (1 Peter 1:16).

don't good people go to heaven?

2009-10-14T00:38:00.003+11:00

We looked at this passage from Luke 7 in Church this week:

36Now one of the Pharisees invited Jesus to have dinner with him, so he went to the Pharisee's house and reclined at the table. 37When a woman who had lived a sinful life in that town learned that Jesus was eating at the Pharisee's house, she brought an alabaster jar of perfume, 38and as she stood behind him at his feet weeping, she began to wet his feet with her tears. Then she wiped them with her hair, kissed them and poured perfume on them.

39When the Pharisee who had invited him saw this, he said to himself, "If this man were a prophet, he would know who is touching him and what kind of woman she is—that she is a sinner."

40Jesus answered him, "Simon, I have something to tell you."
"Tell me, teacher," he said.

41"Two men owed money to a certain moneylender. One owed him five hundred denarii, and the other fifty. 42Neither of them had the money to pay him back, so he canceled the debts of both. Now which of them will love him more?"

43Simon replied, "I suppose the one who had the bigger debt canceled."
"You have judged correctly," Jesus said.

44Then he turned toward the woman and said to Simon, "Do you see this woman? I came into your house. You did not give me any water for my feet, but she wet my feet with her tears and wiped them with her hair. 45You did not give me a kiss, but this woman, from the time I entered, has not stopped kissing my feet. 46You did not put oil on my head, but she has poured perfume on my feet. 47Therefore, I tell you, her many sins have been forgiven—for she loved much. But he who has been forgiven little loves little."

48Then Jesus said to her, "Your sins are forgiven."

49The other guests began to say among themselves, "Who is this who even forgives sins?"

50Jesus said to the woman, "Your faith has saved you; go in peace."

Verses 41-43 stood out for me: as I thought about a friend, when we were speaking of how we are all sinners and in need of salvation, would argue that someone as good as Mother Theresa would not be sent to hell. I never knew what to say to that because it doesn't seem fair. But God's judgement is just and righteous. It doesn't matter if you owe him a little or a lot - we are all in debt and have no way of repaying it, it is only through our sinless and perfect saviour Jesus' death and resurrection that our debts are paid. Praise God for that!

the divine miss em

2009-10-13T23:23:00.005+11:00

My good friend Shell asked me to take some photos of her gorgeous girl Emily and these two are, so far, my absolute favourites. My Dad always taught me the rule that you have to take lots and lots of photos so the odds are better that you will have a few spectacular ones, which is especially true with babies!

you can change

2009-10-06T17:47:00.005+11:00

I have been reading the book 'You Can Change: God's transforming power for our sinful behaviour and negative emotions' by Tim Chester. So far, I think the book is great after only reading three chapters. One thing that I find appealing is Chester doesn't claim to have conquered sin in his own life and is honest about his ongoing struggles with sin. It does not have a moralistic, self-righteous 'if I can do it, so can you' feel to it. Everything so far has been taken directly from God's word from who God created me to be, His plan for me, my failings and how Jesus makes that plan possible.

I have sin that I have been struggling with for years and my approach to fixing it has always been the same - a determined, resolved attitude that I will change it; I make notes, lists, goals, and plan many other schemes to change myself. Not surprisingly it never works. It is, like I said, still an ongoing struggle. Lately, I've been more and more conscious of my sin, selfishness, anger, pride, greed, envy, gossiping, forgetting God and on and on and at times it overwhelms me with how far from God's standard I am. But then I am reminded of his forgiveness, love, grace and mercy. It's real, I am humbled by it and am so grateful to God that he made it possible through Jesus for me to be made righteous and to meet his standard.

It does not, however, follow that I keep sinning in this world, fighting my sinful nature will be ongoing battle while I'm on earth, but not a reason to give in to it. Part of God's plan for me is to reflect his glory and to become more like Jesus and he's not going to leave me alone to fulfill that goal. And only just now is it clear to me that I'm not the one who can make this happen; it's like I've never truly understood the gospel or God's plan before. The problem is my heart and no amount of trying to control external things will change that. It is only through the work of God (who uses all circumstances of my life to make me more holy), Jesus (who has put to death my old self and made me a new creation, united to him) and the Holy Spirit (who gives me the desire to do what is right and oppose my old sinful desires) that my heart can be changed and therefore bear good fruit in the outworking of my life.

Praise God for the way he has used a fellow sinner to make clear to me my relationship with him, his plan for my life and how he will help me in it. It's exciting!!

golden moments

2009-09-29T07:19:00.003+10:00

I actually really like playing trivia.
It helps if you're on a table with good friends, good food and have at least one member of the team who can answer a good chunk of the questions. That person is not me. But I do aim to have one golden moment each time I play. A golden moment is where a question is asked and a silence hangs over the table, you can feel the despair and franticness as people rack their brains for the answer and then rising up to save the day you give the answer that no one else knew.
It's a glorious and wonderful feeling - you should give it a go sometime.
I'm going to play trivia tonight with some people from Bible Study - here's hoping for one golden moment.

jesus gives me life

2009-09-28T10:26:00.004+10:00

Today is my 3rd anniversary of having neurosurgery. I like acknowledging and remembering this anniversary as I tend to forget what it was like the 8 years previously when I had the tumour, mostly how physically weak I was. And if I forget the amazing transformation in my physical wellbeing, I also forget to be thankful to God for all he has done for me.

I have been reading Tim Chester's book 'You Can Change' and something that struck me when reflecting on my journey is that God uses everything that happens to us to make us like Jesus, both the good and bad. There are times when I feel sad at the life I feel I missed out in those 8 years; there was so much I didn't do, so many things I didn't go to, many friendships left on the outer and these days I catch myself saying yes to all social activities and adventures partly so I can feel like I can say I have a 'life'.

But if God's plan from the very beginning was to make me more like Jesus and everything that happens to me is part of that plan, how can I be sad or regret on what I've missed? I can't pinpoint how God has used the tumour to make me more like Jesus but I trust that He has and I'm thankful for that. And as Chester says, "...Jesus is the good life and the fountain of all joy." (p18)

Having a life doesn't equate to experiences or adventures or things that I have done but true life is found through Jesus.

"But because of his great love for us, God, who is rich in mercy, made us alive with Christ even when we were dead in transgressions—it is by grace you have been saved. And God raised us up with Christ and seated us with him in the heavenly realms in Christ Jesus..."
Ephesians 2:4-6

is god trying to tell me something?

2009-09-27T22:05:00.003+10:00

I have on my computer a rather large folder packed full of music that I had acquired from a certain brother of mine. I love music, of a wide variety of styles and eras and it's absolute bliss for me to have so many songs at my fingertips. But I had been challenged about viewing it as stealing, rather than being a normal thing and 'everybody's doing it'. True to Heather style I made things somewhat complicated, going from a simple matter of selecting that folder and deleting it in one hit to inadvertently merging all of that folder, its many, many, many sub-folders and thousands of files with my legitimately paid for and owned files. So now I am faced with the task of going through each one to see if it's to be deleted. I started doing so last Friday, and that's where my sinful desires and temptation came to the fore and things got messy.

I deleted some... but kept the ones I liked.

The next day I was reading the paper while waiting for tyre-men to put new tyres on my car and I came across an article about a singer who is considering quitting the business due to illegal-file sharing robbing income from musicians, particularly at cash strapped points in new artists careers.

Is God trying to tell me something?

I was reminded of a sermon that Tim Blencowe gave a couple of years ago now from 1 Peter and the point I remember from it was - 'be annoyingly good' - not just good compared to the people around you but over the top, in your face good, make people uncomfortable good. I can't recall the exact passage but these verses challenged me on this point:

Dear friends, I urge you, as aliens and strangers in the world, to abstain from sinful desires, which war against your soul. Live such good lives among the pagans that, though they accuse you of doing wrong, they may see your good deeds and glorify God on the day he visits us.
1 Peter 2:11-12

Thank you God for reminding me of this and I pray you keep reminding me as I delete my way through the files.

I was sick for a few days last week and a couple of very kind friends lent me DVDs of different TV shows. Nothing wrong with watching TV when you're sick and can do nothing else but lie in a semi comatose state.

But over the weekend another friend lent me 2 seasons of another TV show and I promptly watched 2 episodes this morning instead of doing more useful and productive things. Nothing too wrong with that...is there?

Tonight at Church, John introduced his sermon by sharing the statistic that the average Australian spends 22 hours a week watching TV (and that was from 1996 - it must be more now!). To be honest I didn't hear the rest of the sermon because I was dwelling on that point. I don't watch TV but I can get in phases where I watch a huge amount of DVDs in a week to get through a season, at the detriment of everything I should and could be doing, including sleeping. I lack the discipline of patience sometimes.

Is God trying to tell me something?

I don't think there is anything wrong with watching TV or DVDs but I do feel it is important to consider:
- time is a gift from God
- how I could be spending that time and,
- is what I'm viewing bringing glory to God or making me more like Jesus?

Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things.
Philippians 4:8

new beginnings

2009-09-25T20:49:00.003+10:00

It is a bit of a long and complicated story as to why all my previous posts are deleted. I'm not even sure I quite understand myself but nonetheless they are gone and I have long since been debating whether to keep writing a blog. At first the delay was due to not knowing where to start (and to some degree that reason still holds) but more recently, I have been attempting to clarify good reasons of why I should write a blog.

I'm certainly not a great writer, nor do I profess to having an interesting life or to possess a deep understanding of theology or doctrine.
Would I be trying to be someone I'm not?
Do I write in the hope of developing a fan base to boost my ego?
Or to show off on how deep and insightful I can pretend to be?

I have finally come to a conclusion of sorts last night as I lay awake with a myriad of thoughts swirling around in my head - I need to write my thoughts down to help me think more clearly, to reflect more deeply, to learn more concretely and to sleep more soundly. And while I do not know who will read this blog or if it would indeed be of any encouragement or educationally useful but for me it is a way to think through my numerous thoughts, epiphanies and revelations as I learn more about God, his wonderful creation, including the blessings of family and friends, his amazing and divine gift of salvation and His will for me to become more like Jesus.