I'm no superwoman

Now, before anyone thinks I've gone on a writing rampage, I just happened to have found all those posts I thought I had deleted. And after reading through most of them, I found it helpful to be reminded of previous epiphanies and therefore re-posted them. Pretty much all posts from October from here to the photos of Emily are old posts.

the lord, my comforter

I just did this study last week, from the topical study 'Woman of God' from Mathias Media, with a friend from the 'am' service and have, as always, found God's timing in what I'm learning perfect. One part of the study looked at some verses from Hebrews, I particularly liked these:

"14Therefore, since we have a great high priest who has gone through the heavens,[a] Jesus the Son of God, let us hold firmly to the faith we profess. 15For we do not have a high priest who is unable to sympathize with our weaknesses, but we have one who has been tempted in every way, just as we are—yet was without sin. 16Let us then approach the throne of grace with confidence, so that we may receive mercy and find grace to help us in our time of need." Hebrews 4:14-16

About 3 weeks ago my neurologist recommended that I try weaning myself off my medication for my headaches to see how I go but in the last week I've been getting headaches again; one on Monday night was especially painful. Headaches, for me, mean time off work, no going to the gym, no socialising and no bible study - not my idea of a great time really. It's easy to get down about the state of my health but it's good to be reminded that I can approach God with confidence so that I may receive mercy and grace to help me in my time of need.

"4Rejoice in the Lord always. I will say it again: Rejoice! 5Let your gentleness be evident to all. The Lord is near. 6Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. 7And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus." Philipians 4:4-7

Sometimes I think surely Jesus didn't go through every temptation and suffering that I have or will? But the Bible says He has, so I need to believe it. He understands my pain, and he understands my anxiety but what I must do is go to Him with it. Just as Jesus did when He was tempted or suffering, He went straight to God to seek peace, comfort and strength. Which is one of the reasons I loved this post from Unfurling Flower.

It's good to be reminded that even thought God knows our every need, that He likes us to seek Him and ask for Him to give us strength and healing. We also need to do this so we humble ourselves before God and acknowledge that it is Him who sustains us.

becoming holy? do we have to?

I have been reading book two in the Little Women series, Good Wives and came across this part last night which I related to:

"I think I haven't done much harm yet, and may keep this pay for my time," she said, after a long meditation, adding impatiently, "I almost wish I hadn't any conscience, it's so inconvenient. If I didn't care about doing right, and didn't feel uncomfortable when doing wrong, I should get on capitally. I can't help wishing sometimes that Father and Mother hadn't been so particular about such things."

Ah, Jo, instead of wishing that, thank God that "Father and Mother were particular" and pity from your heart those who have no such guardians to hedge them round with principles which may seem like prison walls to impatient youth, but which will prove sure foundations to build character upon in womanhood.

It makes me think of the times when I get frustrated with the standards that God holds me to and am tempted to just say, "I'm quite a good person, isn't that enough?" But it's not good enough for God, his standards are high, and calls us to be holy because he is holy. As Christians, we are to grow and become more like Jesus. Being good, or 'better' than the majority of society is not enough. We are all sinners and all have sin that holds us back from living our life according to God's will - pride, envy, slander, gossip, laziness, and on and on and on.

I just have to say that thanks to God and Jesus' sacrifice that we are able to come before God, righteous and holy, and also I thank him that he holds such extreme high standards that I will never attain on this earth - but just think - if I could achieve them, I would think too much of myself and become complacent. I think God knows fully well what sinful people we are, apt to be proud and self-seeking. I'm so glad that He is around to "hedge me round with principles which seem like prison walls to an impatient, young Christian, but which will prove sure foundations to build character upon in godly womanhood."

coffee, cake and building blocks

Our Church had a women’s event last Friday night organised by our wonderful ministers’ wives, Emily and Susan. The hall was beautifully decorated and looked like one big comfy lounge room with couches, bean bags, candles, flowers and other lovely decorations, all put together superbly by Lauren and Kat. Katie outdid herself and make lots of delicious supper treats – that girl is amazing. And Lisa did an awesome job being the MC for the evening. There are so many talented women in our Church, and last Friday night highlighted those who had gifts in hospitality – so much to learn from them.

To start the night we were all giving a sticker that was put on our back and on that sticker was the name of a famous female person, character or object. It was a great icebreaker as we all greeted each other by looking at each other’s backs and having to ask questions to figure out who we were. It soon became clear there was categories – singers, actresses, women in the Bible, Jane Austen characters, make-up items, etc and that put us in the group we sat in for the talk.

Emily’s talk was fantastic and I wish I could remember more of it (she has promised to email the main points, so I will write another post when I get that). The talk was on these verses from 1 Peter:

“Therefore, rid yourselves of all malice and all deceit, hypocrisy, envy, and slander of every kind. Like newborn babies, crave pure spiritual milk, so that by it you may grow up in your salvation, now that you have tasted that the Lord is good.
The Living Stone and a Chosen People
As you come to him, the living Stone—rejected by men but chosen by God and precious to him— you also, like living stones, are being built into a spiritual house to be a holy priesthood, offering spiritual sacrifices acceptable to God through Jesus Christ.”
1 Peter 2:1-5

There were 3 points from Emily’s talk but the one that really spoke to me was how God has carefully placed us in the exact situation in life we are in now. We are not here by a random accident; we are exactly where we are meant to be, where God has chosen for us to be. For we are the stones that God is using to build His spiritual house, don’t you think He would think about and have a plan of where to place us and how to use us? If things went according to my plan I would have finished Uni at 22, got married the same year, had my first kid by 25 and everything would be hunky dory (typical plan for a 16 year old I think). But God knew better and brought me to Sydney, to PBC, put me next to the people He chose, put me in the workplace that He chose. I love how girltalk describes our phases of life as different seasons – and I have struggled with this season of my life – recovering from having a tumour, neurosurgery and starting work full-time.

Shouldn’t it be easy by now?
Shouldn’t I be able to do everything I want to by now?
Why can’t I do everything?
Why don’t I have an unlimited supply of energy?
Why do I get headaches?
I want to serve you Lord, so what’s the deal here?

Emily’s talk reminded me that God has put me in this season in life for a very specific purpose, as part of Him building his spiritual house. It’s not about where I think I should be but trusting that God knows where I should be and doing as much as I can within that season he has placed me in.

again and again

Lately I’ve been feeling like I can relate to the Israelites. Most of the time with the benefit of being objective I think they were pretty stupid. Didn’t they realise how good they had it? Why did they keep forgetting again and again what God had done for them? Why did they forget again and again how they were meant to live? But then I have one of my epiphanies and it occurs to me how stupid I am because most of my epiphanies aren’t new revelations, they are something that God needs to show me again and again because I forget. It’s in these times that God’s grace and mercy are very real to me. My sin and failures are more transparent and I am reminded of how often I lose sight of what God wants for me. Thankfully, God keeps drawing me back to Him and with infinite patience reminds me again and again of what he wants for me and from me. Praise God for His grace, mercy, patience and love!

ambitious and vengeful? who, me?

2 Samuel 3:6-39

Abner Goes Over to David

6 During the war between the house of Saul and the house of David, Abner had been strengthening his own position in the house of Saul. 7 Now Saul had had a concubine named Rizpah daughter of Aiah. And Ish-Bosheth said to Abner, "Why did you sleep with my father's concubine?"

8 Abner was very angry because of what Ish-Bosheth said and he answered, "Am I a dog's head—on Judah's side? This very day I am loyal to the house of your father Saul and to his family and friends. I haven't handed you over to David. Yet now you accuse me of an offense involving this woman! 9 May God deal with Abner, be it ever so severely, if I do not do for David what the LORD promised him on oath 10 and transfer the kingdom from the house of Saul and establish David's throne over Israel and Judah from Dan to Beersheba." 11 Ish-Bosheth did not dare to say another word to Abner, because he was afraid of him.

12 Then Abner sent messengers on his behalf to say to David, "Whose land is it? Make an agreement with me, and I will help you bring all Israel over to you."

13 "Good," said David. "I will make an agreement with you. But I demand one thing of you: Do not come into my presence unless you bring Michal daughter of Saul when you come to see me." 14 Then David sent messengers to Ish-Bosheth son of Saul, demanding, "Give me my wife Michal, whom I betrothed to myself for the price of a hundred Philistine foreskins."

15 So Ish-Bosheth gave orders and had her taken away from her husband Paltiel son of Laish. 16 Her husband, however, went with her, weeping behind her all the way to Bahurim. Then Abner said to him, "Go back home!" So he went back.

17 Abner conferred with the elders of Israel and said, "For some time you have wanted to make David your king. 18 Now do it! For the LORD promised David, 'By my servant David I will rescue my people Israel from the hand of the Philistines and from the hand of all their enemies.' "

19 Abner also spoke to the Benjamites in person. Then he went to Hebron to tell David everything that Israel and the whole house of Benjamin wanted to do. 20 When Abner, who had twenty men with him, came to David at Hebron, David prepared a feast for him and his men. 21 Then Abner said to David, "Let me go at once and assemble all Israel for my lord the king, so that they may make a compact with you, and that you may rule over all that your heart desires." So David sent Abner away, and he went in peace.

Joab Murders Abner

22 Just then David's men and Joab returned from a raid and brought with them a great deal of plunder. But Abner was no longer with David in Hebron, because David had sent him away, and he had gone in peace. 23 When Joab and all the soldiers with him arrived, he was told that Abner son of Ner had come to the king and that the king had sent him away and that he had gone in peace.

24 So Joab went to the king and said, "What have you done? Look, Abner came to you. Why did you let him go? Now he is gone! 25 You know Abner son of Ner; he came to deceive you and observe your movements and find out everything you are doing."

26 Joab then left David and sent messengers after Abner, and they brought him back from the well of Sirah. But David did not know it. 27 Now when Abner returned to Hebron, Joab took him aside into the gateway, as though to speak with him privately. And there, to avenge the blood of his brother Asahel, Joab stabbed him in the stomach, and he died.

28 Later, when David heard about this, he said, "I and my kingdom are forever innocent before the LORD concerning the blood of Abner son of Ner. 29 May his blood fall upon the head of Joab and upon all his father's house! May Joab's house never be without someone who has a running sore or leprosy or who leans on a crutch or who falls by the sword or who lacks food."

30 (Joab and his brother Abishai murdered Abner because he had killed their brother Asahel in the battle at Gibeon.)

31 Then David said to Joab and all the people with him, "Tear your clothes and put on sackcloth and walk in mourning in front of Abner." King David himself walked behind the bier. 32 They buried Abner in Hebron, and the king wept aloud at Abner's tomb. All the people wept also.

33 The king sang this lament for Abner:
"Should Abner have died as the lawless die?

34 Your hands were not bound,
your feet were not fettered.
You fell as one falls before wicked men."
And all the people wept over him again.

35 Then they all came and urged David to eat something while it was still day; but David took an oath, saying, "May God deal with me, be it ever so severely, if I taste bread or anything else before the sun sets!"

36 All the people took note and were pleased; indeed, everything the king did pleased them. 37 So on that day all the people and all Israel knew that the king had no part in the murder of Abner son of Ner.

38 Then the king said to his men, "Do you not realize that a prince and a great man has fallen in Israel this day? 39 And today, though I am the anointed king, I am weak, and these sons of Zeruiah are too strong for me. May the LORD repay the evildoer according to his evil deeds!"

I am extremely grateful for the pastors at my Church who so faithfully and clearly teach from God’s word. Last night was another great message from John on 2 Samuel 3:6-39. It has been through my time at PBC that I have learnt of how the overall message of the entire Bible is Jesus, however, I still struggle with the OT, finding how Jrsus fits in this picture and what the applications is for me. I read passage like this one and think, ‘gosh, those people did really bad things; glad I’m not like them’. How wrong I am. Abner was driven by ambition and Joab motivated by revenge – both things I am very susceptible to. How I act on that selfishness and anger may look very different to Abner and Joab but it’s still there, in my heart. Thankfully, I have Jesus who has overcome sin and the Holy Spirit to help me with my sinful nature.

Ephesians 4:22-27

22You were taught, with regard to your former way of life, to put off your old self, which is being corrupted by its deceitful desires; 23to be made new in the attitude of your minds; 24and to put on the new self, created to be like God in true righteousness and holiness.

25Therefore each of you must put off falsehood and speak truthfully to his neighbour, for we are all members of one body. 26"In your anger do not sin": Do not let the sun go down while you are still angry, 27and do not give the devil a foothold.

I am encouraged to not give the devil a foothold in my heart by harbouring hatred, anger, selfishness and personal interest.

Back in 2 Samuel, we find David, mourning the death of Abner. David was motivated by God’s justice; he did not make it his place to judge Abner but focuses on his attributes (v33-34,38). Through David we have an example of a warrior of God. While we know David has many faults (one biggie coming up in 2 Samuel!), he was still a man with a heart for God. John used the analogy that in the compass of David’s life his needle always swings back to God. He is a man after God’s own heart with a sincere desire to love and please Him.

There was a lot packed into this talk and I may have missed important links (really should have written this last night!!) but another point was that we need to be decisive people in our faith, to commit to Jesus and become warriors of God. Live by clear biblical convictions, otherwise others will determine how you act. We need not be afraid of our own limitations and failings because Jesus is not limited and perfect and as the saying goes:

“God can use a crooked stick to draw a straight line.”

Lord, may we point to Jesus even in our weakness.

the problem with will power

Failure.
Hopelessness.
Despair.
Low.
Want to hide.
Discouraged.

Reading back on my posts about my New Years Resolutions, and after eating, again, junk food, this is how I feel now. But then I was reminded of the book 'Feminine Appeal' and so I whipped it out and read the chapter on self-control.
When I hear the words 'self-control' I sort of panic - 'I don't have any!'. I have tried many times over many years to be self-controlled and discipline but I seem to be getting worse at it, not better. It just doesn't work with me. But, that does not mean I should stop working on this area of my life. As Titus 2 tells us - we are ALL to have the virtue of self-control.

" 1You must teach what is in accord with sound doctrine. 2Teach the older men to be temperate, worthy of respect, self-controlled, and sound in faith, in love and in endurance.

3Likewise, teach the older women to be reverent in the way they live, not to be slanderers or addicted to much wine, but to teach what is good. 4Then they can train the younger women to love their husbands and children, 5to be self-controlled and pure, to be busy at home, to be kind, and to be subject to their husbands, so that no one will malign the word of God.

6Similarly, encourage the young men to be self-controlled. 7In everything set them an example by doing what is good. In your teaching show integrity, seriousness 8and soundness of speech that cannot be condemned, so that those who oppose you may be ashamed because they have nothing bad to say about us.

9Teach slaves to be subject to their masters in everything, to try to please them, not to talk back to them, 10and not to steal from them, but to show that they can be fully trusted, so that in every way they will make the teaching about God our Savior attractive.

11For the grace of God that brings salvation has appeared to all men. 12It teaches us to say "No" to ungodliness and worldly passions, and to live self-controlled, upright and godly lives in this present age, 13while we wait for the blessed hope—the glorious appearing of our great God and Savior, Jesus Christ, 14who gave himself for us to redeem us from all wickedness and to purify for himself a people that are his very own, eager to do what is good.

15These, then, are the things you should teach. Encourage and rebuke with all authority. Do not let anyone despise you."

Okay, so we don't have a choice... Carolyn Mahaney points out that self-control is essential if we are to effectively commend the gospel. We can't afford to ignore this command. (p64)

That's all well and good but I have tried. There have been so many points in my life where I get annoyed, frustrated and disgusted with my lack of self-control and disciplined - eat too much, sleep too much, waste too much time, not spending each day in quiet time, and so on and on and on. With much pluckiness and bravado I am determined and resolved to not be like that anymore and from tomorrow:

* I will get up early and start the day off with quiet time.
* I will make healthy choices for food, only eat what I need and I won't obsess about food.
* I will exercise for at least an hour at the gym after work.
* I will spend x amount of time on paperwork and preparing lessons outside of school hours.
* I will gossip less, or not at all for that matter, very hard to do in a public school, lots of 'issues'.
* I will...
* I will....

Just writing that list, I am noticing an interesting pattern - how often I'm saying 'I will'. I'm relying on just me, no one else. My individual strength, my efforts and counting solely on me to do all these things. It's also interesting how extreme I am - it's all or nothing, no room for gradual improvement. From tomorrow I will have self-control and these things won't be a problem anymore. Hmmm... a tad arrogant really considering that I am a sinful person in great need of God's mercy and salvation through the only perfect person, Jesus Christ.

Here are some key things I have learned or have been reminded of through this chapter:

* If Scripture requires self-control from every Christian, then it must be attainable. For whenever God gives a command, He also provides the grace to obey it.
* It is only through co-operating with the Holy Spirit that I can achieve self-control.

"To this end I labor, struggling with all his energy, which so powerfully works in me." Colossians 1:29

* Paul did toil and struggle but his effort is initiated and sustained by the Holy Spirit.
* Self-control requires effort and we do need to work hard in this area but success is only ensured by participating with the Holy Spirit.
* I need a better strength than my own - JESUS!!! (epiphany!)
* Jesus is always there in our time of need and of course He would delight in bringing glory to His name by enabling us to overcome patterns of sin.
* We need to realise 2 things:

1. We are facing sin from within ourselves and temptation from without.
2. We like to sin.

What did she say now?
Why else do we hit snooze 3 times in the morning?
Join in on gossip?
Spend so much time on the couch watching TV?

Because we like it. We like sleeping, gossiping, eating, and lazing, among many, many other things.

BUT...

* We don't enjoy it for very long.

"He chose to be mistreated along with the people of God rather than to enjoy the pleasures of sin for a short time." Hebrews 11:25

I love these verses from Romans 6:

"15What then? Shall we sin because we are not under law but under grace? By no means! 16Don't you know that when you offer yourselves to someone to obey him as slaves, you are slaves to the one whom you obey—whether you are slaves to sin, which leads to death, or to obedience, which leads to righteousness? 17But thanks be to God that, though you used to be slaves to sin, you wholeheartedly obeyed the form of teaching to which you were entrusted. 18You have been set free from sin and have become slaves to righteousness.

19I put this in human terms because you are weak in your natural selves. Just as you used to offer the parts of your body in slavery to impurity and to ever-increasing wickedness, so now offer them in slavery to righteousness leading to holiness. 20When you were slaves to sin, you were free from the control of righteousness. 21What benefit did you reap at that time from the things you are now ashamed of? Those things result in death! 22But now that you have been set free from sin and have become slaves to God, the benefit you reap leads to holiness, and the result is eternal life. 23For the wages of sin is death, but the gift of God is eternal life in Christ Jesus our Lord."

Carolyn Mahaney goes on in the chapter to look more closely at areas of self-control many women struggle with - eating, sleeping, thoughts, feelings, behaviour. You should read it (and the rest of the book) - it's really good! She also stresses that we do not attempt to address every area of our life where self-control is needed (as I'm always tempted, and still am, to do) but pick 1 or 2 to focus on, otherwise, you're definitely setting yourself up for failure.

Hmmm....pick only 1 or 2.... how do you decide that? I've decided to focus on sleep and regular quiet times with God. Because I figure quiet times should be number one priority in each day anyway and sleep (making sure I have good sleep patterns, not sleeping in and hitting snooze several times each morning) will help in having the energy and clarity of thinking to tackle other things in my day. If you're centred in God, other stuff will follow.

This chapter has been really helpful, particularly where I am right now in my situation, as a woman struggling with my image, self-esteem (from so many attempts and failures) and weight issues (self-control in diet, and exercise). And let me clear from the start that I'm not saying that Jesus is the miracle cure for weight loss nor is He here to help us get over our self esteem problems and feel beautiful (read this). That is not the appropriate or right way to view Jesus. After watching this interview with Mark Driscoll I can see, much like the prosperity gospel, using Jesus for our gain and benefit, for anything, is idolatry.

Now how am I feeling?

Hopeful.
Redeemed.
Grateful.
Saved.
Loved.
Bring it all back to Jesus!