Failure.
Hopelessness.
Despair.
Low.
Want to hide.
Discouraged.
Reading back on my posts about my New Years Resolutions, and after eating, again, junk food, this is how I feel now. But then I was reminded of the book 'Feminine Appeal' and so I whipped it out and read the chapter on self-control.
When I hear the words 'self-control' I sort of panic - 'I don't have any!'. I have tried many times over many years to be self-controlled and discipline but I seem to be getting worse at it, not better. It just doesn't work with me. But, that does not mean I should stop working on this area of my life. As Titus 2 tells us - we are ALL to have the virtue of self-control.
" 1You must teach what is in accord with sound doctrine. 2Teach the older men to be temperate, worthy of respect, self-controlled, and sound in faith, in love and in endurance.
3Likewise, teach the older women to be reverent in the way they live, not to be slanderers or addicted to much wine, but to teach what is good. 4Then they can train the younger women to love their husbands and children, 5to be self-controlled and pure, to be busy at home, to be kind, and to be subject to their husbands, so that no one will malign the word of God.
6Similarly, encourage the young men to be self-controlled. 7In everything set them an example by doing what is good. In your teaching show integrity, seriousness 8and soundness of speech that cannot be condemned, so that those who oppose you may be ashamed because they have nothing bad to say about us.
9Teach slaves to be subject to their masters in everything, to try to please them, not to talk back to them, 10and not to steal from them, but to show that they can be fully trusted, so that in every way they will make the teaching about God our Savior attractive.
11For the grace of God that brings salvation has appeared to all men. 12It teaches us to say "No" to ungodliness and worldly passions, and to live self-controlled, upright and godly lives in this present age, 13while we wait for the blessed hope—the glorious appearing of our great God and Savior, Jesus Christ, 14who gave himself for us to redeem us from all wickedness and to purify for himself a people that are his very own, eager to do what is good.
15These, then, are the things you should teach. Encourage and rebuke with all authority. Do not let anyone despise you."
Okay, so we don't have a choice... Carolyn Mahaney points out that self-control is essential if we are to effectively commend the gospel. We can't afford to ignore this command. (p64)
That's all well and good but I have tried. There have been so many points in my life where I get annoyed, frustrated and disgusted with my lack of self-control and disciplined - eat too much, sleep too much, waste too much time, not spending each day in quiet time, and so on and on and on. With much pluckiness and bravado I am determined and resolved to not be like that anymore and from tomorrow:
* I will get up early and start the day off with quiet time.
* I will make healthy choices for food, only eat what I need and I won't obsess about food.
* I will exercise for at least an hour at the gym after work.
* I will spend x amount of time on paperwork and preparing lessons outside of school hours.
* I will gossip less, or not at all for that matter, very hard to do in a public school, lots of 'issues'.
* I will...
* I will....
Just writing that list, I am noticing an interesting pattern - how often I'm saying 'I will'. I'm relying on just me, no one else. My individual strength, my efforts and counting solely on me to do all these things. It's also interesting how extreme I am - it's all or nothing, no room for gradual improvement. From tomorrow I will have self-control and these things won't be a problem anymore. Hmmm... a tad arrogant really considering that I am a sinful person in great need of God's mercy and salvation through the only perfect person, Jesus Christ.
Here are some key things I have learned or have been reminded of through this chapter:
* If Scripture requires self-control from every Christian, then it must be attainable. For whenever God gives a command, He also provides the grace to obey it.
* It is only through co-operating with the Holy Spirit that I can achieve self-control.
"To this end I labor, struggling with all his energy, which so powerfully works in me." Colossians 1:29
* Paul did toil and struggle but his effort is initiated and sustained by the Holy Spirit.
* Self-control requires effort and we do need to work hard in this area but success is only ensured by participating with the Holy Spirit.
* I need a better strength than my own - JESUS!!! (epiphany!)
* Jesus is always there in our time of need and of course He would delight in bringing glory to His name by enabling us to overcome patterns of sin.
* We need to realise 2 things:
1. We are facing sin from within ourselves and temptation from without.
2. We like to sin.
What did she say now?
Why else do we hit snooze 3 times in the morning?
Join in on gossip?
Spend so much time on the couch watching TV?
Because we like it. We like sleeping, gossiping, eating, and lazing, among many, many other things.
BUT...
* We don't enjoy it for very long.
"He chose to be mistreated along with the people of God rather than to enjoy the pleasures of sin for a short time." Hebrews 11:25
I love these verses from Romans 6:
"15What then? Shall we sin because we are not under law but under grace? By no means! 16Don't you know that when you offer yourselves to someone to obey him as slaves, you are slaves to the one whom you obey—whether you are slaves to sin, which leads to death, or to obedience, which leads to righteousness? 17But thanks be to God that, though you used to be slaves to sin, you wholeheartedly obeyed the form of teaching to which you were entrusted. 18You have been set free from sin and have become slaves to righteousness.
19I put this in human terms because you are weak in your natural selves. Just as you used to offer the parts of your body in slavery to impurity and to ever-increasing wickedness, so now offer them in slavery to righteousness leading to holiness. 20When you were slaves to sin, you were free from the control of righteousness. 21What benefit did you reap at that time from the things you are now ashamed of? Those things result in death! 22But now that you have been set free from sin and have become slaves to God, the benefit you reap leads to holiness, and the result is eternal life. 23For the wages of sin is death, but the gift of God is eternal life in Christ Jesus our Lord."
Carolyn Mahaney goes on in the chapter to look more closely at areas of self-control many women struggle with - eating, sleeping, thoughts, feelings, behaviour. You should read it (and the rest of the book) - it's really good! She also stresses that we do not attempt to address every area of our life where self-control is needed (as I'm always tempted, and still am, to do) but pick 1 or 2 to focus on, otherwise, you're definitely setting yourself up for failure.
Hmmm....pick only 1 or 2.... how do you decide that? I've decided to focus on sleep and regular quiet times with God. Because I figure quiet times should be number one priority in each day anyway and sleep (making sure I have good sleep patterns, not sleeping in and hitting snooze several times each morning) will help in having the energy and clarity of thinking to tackle other things in my day. If you're centred in God, other stuff will follow.
This chapter has been really helpful, particularly where I am right now in my situation, as a woman struggling with my image, self-esteem (from so many attempts and failures) and weight issues (self-control in diet, and exercise). And let me clear from the start that I'm not saying that Jesus is the miracle cure for weight loss nor is He here to help us get over our self esteem problems and feel beautiful (read this). That is not the appropriate or right way to view Jesus. After watching this interview with Mark Driscoll I can see, much like the prosperity gospel, using Jesus for our gain and benefit, for anything, is idolatry.
Now how am I feeling?
Hopeful.
Redeemed.
Grateful.
Saved.
Loved.
Bring it all back to Jesus!
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