in times of worry...

It's that time of year again where I get my yearly MRI and check up with my neurosurgeon. It has now been 2 years since my surgery and last year's check up showed no sign of the tumour. So leading up to my MRI this morning I was feeling fine - happy days, nothing to worry about - the first year is the big indication of the tumour returning, and that was all clear. But after lying and listening to the loud clanking of the MRI machine, having my needle, and having plenty of time to be still and reminisce about my time in hospital, I became emotional.

Part of it is worrying about potential possibilities. What if there is something there? Will I have surgery again? But I think most of my emotion comes from reliving my time around diagnosis, surgery and recovery. At the time I was extremely happy and joyful and vindicated that the doctors had found what was causing my health problems and they could fix it but looking back it was quite 'full on'. Although my tumour was benign, neurosurgery is really scary and thankfully my Mum (who is a doctor) kept a very calm face and didn't really show her worry because she really knew what could go wrong. And there was also emotion from being 'tired' for so many years and finally been free from that.

I would love to say that I don't worry, that I put all my trust and hope in Jesus but I tend to try to hold onto my problems. I can feel that God is working in me through this anxiety as I know I could be a lot worse and I am constantly reminded of this verse today:

"Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you."
1 Peter 5:7