gluttony, body image and god - part 1

I listened to this great talk by Crystal Munson from Mars Hill Church on the topic of ‘Gluttony’. I’m not sure how many of us would cringe at that word. It seems so harsh and disgusting. Can’t we just call it ‘overeating’ or better still ‘unhealthy eating’? This talk was great for me because Crystal openly and honestly shared her story and struggle with overeating. I found this incredibly brave and I appreciate her courage to confess her sin and struggle with so many people. It has caused me to stop and really evaluate my struggle with overeating, my weight and obsessing about my appearance.

I have always been a ‘big girl’, not necessarily overweight but tall and bigger nonetheless. And I’ve always been self-conscious of this. Around the time I was in Year 11 I started putting on lots of weight and was struggling with feeling tired all the time. In 2006 it was discovered that I had a pituitary tumour which would have contributed to some of my weight gain over that 8-9 year period but I believe that even without the tumour I would have had been an overeater and gained a fair bit of weight.

I associate food with comfort. Like Crystal pointed out, if all my thoughts are consumed with food, there is no room for thinking about other things, such as feeling lonely, sad, angry, frustrated, and overwhelmed. It was by far easier to seek comfort and satisfaction from food than to actually deal with these emotions. From a young age I was sneaking food, lying to people about what I was eating, hiding the amount I would eat and then be ashamed of what I had eaten. Along with this, I was gripped with self-loathing over how I looked. I have constantly compared myself to other girls/women and have not measured up. Other women were always prettier and thinner than me. Crystal said that being fat was the defining factor in her life and it overshadowed everything; it didn’t matter that she was funny, had good friends, was smart and worked hard. It’s exactly how I felt and still feel to some extent even now as a 27 year old. She also shared that she was convinced that she would marry someday but always assumed she would have to be thin first because guys just don’t date fat girls, and it was like she was speaking from my own heart. That is exactly how I feel. God in His grace has given Crystal a husband and I pray that one day He will do the same for me.

“You, my brothers, were called to be free. But do not use your freedom to indulge the sinful nature (or flesh); rather, serve one another in love.” Galatians 5:13

God used this verse to show Crystal that her overeating is a sin. And this was a revelation to me as well. I had never heard that. It’s just food. It’s not that big of a deal. Aren’t there bigger things to worry about? But then I thought what is ‘sin’? I’ve heard someone describe it before as ‘anything that keeps us from been in a right relationship with God’. If my entire life is driven by opportunities to indulge the flesh, if my thoughts are constantly focused on food and my appearance, how can there be room for God in there? My overeating and obsession with appearance is rebellion, selfishness, prideful, stubbornness, idolatry, self indulgence and an abuse of the freedom God has given me. Indulging the flesh will prevent me also from loving and serving others and Jesus. What is more important to me – food or God?

Crystal spoke of how she prayed and prayed to God for self-control and discipline and she waited and waited and God didn’t do what she wanted to do. I have been doing the same thing. I thought that is what God would want – isn’t it a good thing that I am asking for these things?

“If I had cherished sin in my heart,
the Lord would not have listened...” Psalm 66:18

Maybe God was not listening to my prayers because I cherished this sin in my heart. I like to eat. It wasn’t that I wanted God to change my heart but I wanted Him to change my body. I wasn’t seeking repentance or humility; I just wanted to fit into a size 14 (I was being realistic and not asking for a size 10). All I want is to lose weight. After all God has done for me I wanted glory for myself. I want to impress people. I want people to see me and think of how beautiful I look and how thin I am.

Crystal spoke from the passage Philippians 3:18-19 which I will share about in a later post.

“For, as I have often told you before and now say again even with tears, many live as enemies of the cross of Christ. Their destiny is destruction, their god is their stomach, and their glory is in their shame. Their mind is on earthly things.” Philippians 3:18-19